*Informal disclosure- IF you are not in a good place or maybe you are just coming to our blog for the first time, know that there is a loooooooong sordid history of how we got to the distant land of parenthood. Either way, this post is a peek into the now of our lives. Skip past it and read some of our other posts.* OK disclosure done. Alrighty then…back to the nerdy reveal.
Because Science! I mean that’s kinda why we’re here right now right? Because of science and sexy things like reproductive technology, we have our bun in a not so distant oven. Because of science, we have a second chance for re-entry into the wild world of parenting a second child.
About two plus years ago when we got all romantic with some petri dishes and needles, my 7th round of IVF –sans uterus- provided us with 5 glorious embryos. Under the request of our gestational carrier at the time we had those embryos PGT-A tested. As a result 3 came back…those were also dark times my friends…dark times. Read here as to what happened and why there is a sad and depressing two year gap.
I remember the call from our doctor
Him: Candace do you want to know what the sex of your embryos are?
Me- No, but can you tell me the mix of them? Like how many female vs male?
Doctor- I can’t because they are all the same sex.
Well, the plot thickens. That said, we could have found out then. But instead with all things uncertain we opted not to know. Surrogacy is a wonderful gift, but the pregnancy is shared in an untraditional sense. You are expecting but not physically expecting. You literally are handing over your would be child to an amazing babysitter for the next 9 months. You also let go of many things that you would have done if the situation was different. That’s the reality and nature of a surrogacy. We are so lucky to have our Wonderous Wombmate who deals with our shenanigans and rolls along with it all. With surrogacy, as IPs you also celebrate those tiny moments in big ways to help you feel part of the process.
We wait two years. We recoup. We heal. We have a second chance. Just like that, it was time to find out what “Waffle” will be! Since we like to nerd it up on occasion, we wanted to celebrate by inviting friends and family who have supported our journey over the years for a Science Themed Gender Reveal!
Being on a budget, I made most of the decorations in Canva. You may get carpel tunnel from cutting out all of the shapes but what-evs, all for the greater good of the cause.
Then there was the matter of food choice. Petri dishes. We MUST include petri dishes. I found these online here, I got the 10 pack and just half-ed them. Add Jello, refrigerate, and then sprinkle on some “germs” AKA your sprinkle of choice. The result a tasty teaser of Jello…in petri dish form.
We nicknamed our baby to be “Waffle” because as a cute and not-so cuddly embryo, it looked like a waffle. That name fit. As did our choice of waffle themed goods. We had waffle pretzels and pimento cheese dip, waffle cone pieces with a sweet dip, and of course Stoop Waffles because they are ridiculously delicious. I also cut up some cake pop sticks that I had on hand and made “molecules” with cantaloupe balls. Fun right?
Chris is a chemist so this was actually quite a painful thing for him. Don’t get me wrong. He loved the theme and everything about it. But, what made him cringe was the He and She decorations I made.
Chris- There’s no SHe element Candace.
Me- There is now!
Hershey bars. Who doesn’t love chocolate? Blue and pink sharpies for the win.
We were about to conduct an experiment to find out if Waffle was a He or a SHe. Remember chemistry 101? Safety first! That meant lab coats and lab goggles. I made the name tags, and got the coats here and the blue and pink safety goggles here.
Now on to the experiment. It starts with conducting a hypothesis. The majority of folks wore blue goggles and held up a blue Erlenmeyer flask. And of course you have to document the results…for record purposes.
Because chemistry is Chris’s wheelhouse and I don’t want him to shame me on my science-y know-how. I’ll let him break down the experiment.
Chris- First and foremost I think everyone can be a chemist. You may not be able to cite Avogadro’s number, balance an electrochemical reaction, or tell me whether the reaction will be more or less favorable at elevated temperatures. BUT, you can do some awesome chemistry right in your kitchen. What’s even better, you won’t be making illicit medications or go to jail. Yea! Anyway, back to the extreme chemistry involved in the gender reveal. It starts with cabbage, red cabbage to be precise. First, you will need to do a dye extraction experiment. Don’t worry, it’s organic and without GMOs! To do this precision work, you take a head of red cabbage, cut it into about 1 inch squares and boil it in enough water to initially cover the cabbage. Warning, your house will stink. Sometimes science requires sacrifice. So, invite your least favorite in-law over to help, or better yet, ask to do this at their house as a special way to “bond” over the new addition to your family. Once you have gently boiled this for about 1.5 hours, strain out the leaves and put your fancy “solution” back on the burner. I like to cook this down a bit so it concentrates the dye. Then, you are all set. You can store this solution in your fridge for a few days, but I wouldn’t go wild on your doomsday prepping of this for post Zombie-apocalypse gender reveal parties.
Next, solutions. The dye you just so deftly extracted is pH sensitive. Going from strongly acidic (think lemon with huge muscles) to strongly basic (making soap from the movie Fight Club) the color of the solution will change from a deep red to blue to green to yellow. Nature for the freakin’ awesome award right? We wanted to make sure that everyone would know what to expect so we had some “test case” solutions prepared. We made our acidic solution using some white vinegar (1 tablespoon per cup of water) and made our basic solution using first baking soda then laundry detergent. Baking soda would not get concentrated enough, but laundry detergent was much better. Again about 1 tablespoon per cup of water.
Then, take about 1 teaspoon of your red cabbage indicator solution and add it to 1 cup of water. With much fanfare and flourish, pour your “test case” solutions into clear containers with the indicator solution in them. Viola! Color change and everyone is incredibly impressed with your clear command of nature! You are a legend, your partygoers will tell their kids and their grandkids of you. Your name will become that of legend.
OK, once that is done, now it is time for the reveal. Candace and I didn’t actually know what the gender was so, we made two solutions (one acidic and one basic) and put them in another room with our sealed envelope of results. A great friend (family member) was tasked with providing the correct solution. It was a remarkably difficult responsibility. She performed it with technical excellence and gave the magic solution to our little Jellybean.
Jellybean was convinced she was going to be getting a little brother … as the picture below indicates, the solution turned pink. This was immediately met with a bit of angst and disbelief. “No, I am supposed to be having a brother! That is what I said I wanted.” We may need to have a bit of a biology lesson for Jellybean but it could be too soon.
So, our “Wondrous Wombmate” is carrying our little girl. Candace replied with, “We are a good ‘girl’ family.” I suppose. I will for sure be getting more pedicures, painting more nails, and having daddy spa-days involving face masks and cucumbers. Whatevs, I will love every bit. Jellybean has gotten over her frustration about not having what she said, i.e., she said it was going to be a boy but it was not. Now, she is all about being in training to be a big sister and her excitement is back on the same level, if not a bit higher, than ours.
Our family was built in a very non-traditional sense. We have been blessed beyond belief to have our Wonder-Surro carry our Jellybean and now our Wondrous Wombmate carrying our Waffle. We had no idea how to be parents before Jellybean, we have no clue how to be parents of two. Luckily, we are surrounded with great people to share in our joy, our setbacks, and our growth. Our family-raising “community” has been big even from the first moments of fertilization and, thanks to science, our family will be growing to a party of four. Our science-themed gender reveal was simply our nod to all of the science that got us here and we were ecstatic to be able to share that moment with so many people fundamentally critical to our existence.
