The Traveling Onesie

Do any of you remember my post on my “Un Due Date?” Click here for a refresher, the gist of an “Un-due date” is after every failed IVF I would have the pain relived all over again when my “would be” due date would come around. It was like a boomerang of emotional turmoil and the feeling of ripping off a scab on a cut that had just begun to heal only to start the healing process all over again.

Each failed round I went through was difficult, but I remember distinctly that my 5^th IVF was a little harder to recover from in the fact I became friends with 2 of the women I had been cycling with at my clinic. We would sit on the same couch with Band-Aids on our arms from blood draws, waiting for our AM rendezvous with Mr. Ultrasound wand . I have to say, Mr. Ultrasound wand has gotten more action than Wilt Chamberlain. He is a busy wand these days. Basically, we had a lot of wait time together to make friends. We can all figure out the ultimate outcome here. When it was time for our betas, I was the odd man out. Both women had successful TWIN pregnancies and all I came home to was an effing large bill and an empty womb. I was crushed…again.

Most of us infertility-scorned women would have cut out all contact because let’s be honest, every picture, every pregnancy milestone would have been mine too. When you share an un-due date with someone who was successful, it is a 9 month cycle that you cannot escape from. You know, the ever present “what would have been”. You know what though? One of them I became very close to during this difficult time. She would call me, check on me, and always keep pulse on what our next step was. She had hope for us even at times when it seemed to be missing in our hearts. Although, I sidestepped going to her baby shower like Patches O’Houlihan in dodgeball, I bought her girls a small shower gift and met her for lunch. They were IVF inspired onesies. It had a picture of an embryo with the words “My First Baby Photo”.

http://www.cafepress.com/mf/10745554/babys-first-portraitphoto-infant-creeper_bodysuit?productId=45048589

Two years later I received a gift. Apart from mountains of baby clothes I acquire from her twin surplus, she gave me back the onesie I had bought her. I had my own frostie-surro-miracle baby to dress in this onesie I had once bought for someone else. It was a low time for me when I gave that to her years ago and now it came back to me. It was surreal and it was a happy moment. It was then when I looked down at Jellybean, I thought to myself, I need to pass this on someday to another IVF sister. I will make this the traveling onesie. I think that is what it is all about. We will never be able to pay back all of those who have supported us in our journey, but you pay it forward. If you are someone who is fighting the fight. Lean on others in your shoes who have cried your same tears for support. If you are someone who has moved on to the pearly gates of motherhood. Do not forget where you came from. Make it your mission to hold the hand of someone who could use a lift and hope for what their future will hold. I do not now know what baby will grace this traveling onesie next, but I hope their parents, floating on the new high of bringing home their miracle baby, will use their renewed spirit to pay forward the support they received.