We waited.
Candace: We waited through countless years of failed pregnancy tests when we were trying naturally like every couple first does. But we were not like “every couple”. Looking back at that void of time that we would wait for my ovulation test to show there was a surge was exciting at first. I would think “this is my month!” Then over and over again I would have to come to the realization that next month, yep next month would be our time. Pregnancy tests with one line and countless ovulation kits would pile up in my rightly named trash can of disappointment.
We waited in the waiting room of my OB office. Shame and the feeling of uncertainly built up as we did our battery of initial fertility work ups and seminal analysis. There was no reason why we couldn’t conceive during those preliminary stages. Chris was on the low end of swimmers but there was enough soldiers there to make an IUI work.
We waited through 6 two week waits of IUIs. Watching the trashcan of disappointment build up as well as the bills.
We waited in a fertility clinic. Sitting next to other couples who awkwardly sat alongside us in silence with the same WTF look on their faces. I graduated from not only filling my trashcan of disappointment to the brim, but we started filling up sharps containers and coffee cans with syringes. Painfully waiting through 6 IVFs and 5 surgery recoveries.
We waited to go through the approval process of our adoption agency. Sitting in doctors’ offices to get our physicals, TB tests and drug tests. We waited at the court house to get finger printed and receive a battery of background checks. Our mountain of paperwork would pile up as we started to get carpel tunnel and cross-eyed from signing the countless dotted lines. We also waited in lines at the hardware store to get all of the safety requirements to pass the home inspection portion of our home study. Then our wonder surro (gestational carrier) came into the picture.
We waited for more tests, contracts, psychological evaluations and insurance red tape to go through. 6 months to be exact. She had a ridiculous amount of tests to go through. Her husband had to be tested. We had to be tested. Our butts wore the thread count thin on our clinic couches.
Then, a different type of wait happened. 6 seemingly long months had passed. The transfer had been done and we were in our two week wait. Not mine, well kinda mine but hers! We had just called and talked to our GS about asking if she was comfortable doing a home pregnancy test. I remember every second of what happened from this point. We had just gotten off the phone with my wonder surro and I told her I would drop off some tests the following day. Don’t judge, we all know it’s a well known fact that I am a self-admitted POAS-A-HOLIC. Naturally I would pass this addiction on my surro. Call me the “pusher-woman.” She understandably did not want to be the bearer of bad news, so I told her if she took a test and it was negative, don’t call me. That way she wouldn’t have to be the messenger and more importantly, Chris and I could start the mourning process before the beta of yet another failed transfer. We then started the mental wait process.
It was only 7 days after the transfer, and less than 30 minutes after we hung up the phone with our wonder-surro. I had not dropped off tests or even had a chance to buy any for her yet by the way. She called because she had a spare test in her cabinet and had taken it. Chris answered the phone and I heard her say to him, I took a test and… Chris immediately clicked the speaker button on our phone and I heard, “I think I am pregnant.” Time to grab a tissue…
Chris: Alright, I am going to take over from here. Candace is saying that this is where the floodgates of tears always kick in. So, our surro says “I think it worked” or something like that. And we both kind of passed out a bit from excitement. It was only 7 days after the transfer after all. Then, we regained our bearing and started to inquire about the “think” part of our surro’s statement. I can “think” tons of things, but this was something that Candace and I didn’t want anything less than “sure” on. Well, what happened next made two things very obvious to us. First, we could change the “think” to “sure” and second, we were adept at picking out the most minor of color variations.
The reason our surro “thought” she was pregnant was because according to her, the line was very faint. We told her to send us a picture and we would offer our opinion. When we got the text … there was a bit of electronic tension mounting as both Candace’s and my phone suddenly decided that receiving picture texts were no longer fashionable or something. Alright, anyway so the picture came and you might as well have told us that you “thought” that the sky was up! That effer had two lines on it, no “thinking” about it! Two lines! Before this, Candace and I had no idea what that looked like. Sure, it was faint. Sure, you may not have 100% confidence that it was a sure thing. But, Candace and I had told ourselves that far, far, way fainter (make believe, totally imagined even) lines were there. We had no doubt. The transfer worked!
Over the next couple of days, our surro sent us a few more pictures of home pregnancy tests that Candace gave her and she subsequently took. She even sent us a picture of a home pregnancy test she took a few days after the beta with the note “still pregnant.” It may seem silly, but since we aren’t able to be in the driver’s seat for this, that was actually a bit relieving to know that the transfer was still successful. Seven days after the transfer is when we got our first glimmer of what could be such a different outcome for this transfer. Now, we have a whole new world to dive into as we try to focus on all of the new and exciting things that are involved with pregnancy and quiet the voices in our heads reminding us of how everything else had not worked before. (Topic for another blog) Two lines. We actually saw double, a vision we had hoped and prayed for so many years of us waiting.
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I cannot wait to see you hold your new little one in your arms!! You are already fantastic parents and I know this child is going to lead a wonderful life!
Wonderful news!
Sigh. Lots of tears on my end reading this. Hanging on to every word of your story right now as I am so anxious to hear it all! I think of you guys all the time and am always praying for the happy ending you deserve.
XOX Lynn
I’m so happy for you two!
I am so incredibly happy for you!! My sister, who was a gestational carrier for us, took a pregnancy test one week after the transfer and showed up pregnant. Thirty four weeks later, we were holding our healthy 7 lb 2 oz baby boy, Judah. 🙂 He just turned 19 months old yesterday and is the light of our life. I am confident that you will be holding your baby nine months from now. Thinking of you often! Xoxo