I am Thankful for my Infertility

Candace- With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I have been thinking about some things. Sure, I am thoughtfully anticipating the cranberry salad that is the shape of a tin can.  And who can forget the traditional soggy re-stuffed stuffing that has been shoved up the turkey’s butt?  I have been reflecting on what I am thankful for. You know what it is?

I am thankful for my infertility.

I know what you are thinking. WTF Candace? I mean  after all of the years of infertile purgatory I  have felt over not being able to conceive it is hard to see the positive in such a life filled with sticks with one solitary line. Before you start mentally throwing tomatoes my way, just stay with me folks. I am going somewhere with this. How can years of tossing money into the fiery pit of hell we refer to as my uterus be something I would be thankful for later on? Not to mention the sea of tissues I did a backstroke in for countless years. Don’t get me wrong here, it sucked and it still sucks. My infertility will always be a visible scar I bear. You know what though, I made it through to the other side. Now, I will always be infertile, (meaning I’ll never carry a pregnancy) but that journey, this life, I would not change it one bit.

1. I met some amazing women and men along the way. Many who inspired me to keep going when I could not muster the resolve to do so. I am Thankful for them.
2. My inability to get pregnant triggered red flags that would eventually discover through many surgeries that I had pre-cancerous cells in my POS uterus. I am thankful for the doctors who discovered that.
3. I finally found something I am passionate about. Advocating for displaced puppies and homeless kittens is a noble cause sure, but through my pain I became an advocate for infertility. I am thankful for the passion to speak out for change. (check out resolve.org on how you can be part of the change)
4. I.am.aware. I am aware of those couples who have miscarried or lost a child. I am aware of the insensitivity of ignorant comments and I am aware of the childless couple that avoids family events, children’s birthday parties and baby showers. I am thankful for my awareness.
5. Motherhood is so much sweeter. I am acutely conscious of what it took for us to have our daughter through surrogacy. I am more patient, more appreciative and more in awe of how our miracle beat out so many odds before entering in this world. Even now it still feels like a dream, all too surreal. I am thankful for my journey to be a mother.

Chris- You know what I am thankful for … beer. Yep, not just because it truly is the nectar of the gods, but because I can use it to make a great analogy. Thank you 9^th grade English teacher for introducing me to that word! Alright so, being thankful for the bed of tetanus-laced nails and botulism-riddled glass that Candace and I have continuously, voluntarily, run our hands through, how does that relate to beer? Let me answer it this way, I friggin’ love a particular beer, Gulden Draak to be exact . So Brouwerij Van Steenberge brewery, if you happen to read this blog, I would greatly appreciate a case of your amazing brew! Anyway, I love this beer not only because it is an amazing craft f beer genius, but also because of the beers I have historically drank. The night of my high school graduation, someone I know very well who I see in the mirror on a continuous basis drank a half-drunk warm Corona. Bleh! In college, it was all about what was the cheapest beer possible, or better yet, what someone else bought. Still Bleh. When I was in graduate school, and Candace was my suga’ mama, we splurged for mainstream, Miller lite. Kinda Bleh. Then as a post doc, I could finally start expanding my fermented beverage exploits. It was then that I first tasted it, Gulden Draak, It danced across my lips and played a sweet melody down to the bottom of my first bottle.

You know what though, if that was the only beer I had ever tasted, I would never have thought it was very special. It would be all I knew. Think about it like this, would you squint your eyes walking outside if you had not just left a dark room? Would you think snow felt cold if you never left the South Pole? Would you consider a car to be driving fast if you never went slower than 100 miles an hour? The point is, you don’t know how much to appreciate the ‘heads’ side of the coin if you have never been delivered the ‘tails’ side. There is no joy without pain, no happiness without sorrow. Does that mean that we seek pain and sorrow so we can appreciate joy and happiness? Hell no. That my friends is asinine! Instead, when we hit periods of great joy or great happiness, we remember the feelings we felt on ‘the other side of the coin.’ If you can do that, your good times in life will feel that much better. On the converse side, if you remember those bubbly jubilant moments when you are in the pits of despair, it will make the pain that much more palatable. Wherever you are during this holiday season, emotionally, be thankful for the experience. If it is joyful, be thankful that you have preserved. If your outlook is more calamitous, be thankful that you will always have this moment to contrast against the inevitable joy in your future. Candace and I definitely are!