One thing is for sure, this whole baby-makin’ thing is far from easy for couples with infertility. So for you owners of fertile uteri out there, I am giving you the mental bird right now. I kid, I kid. But seriously, the reason for my slight salty-ness is that we have been pouring over research to ensure we make the best decision. While those with garden of Eden uteruses get to bask in the researching glory of picking the best crib bedding and car seats on Amazon, Chris and I are researching surrogacy. Adoption versus Surrogacy is a huge decision to make. Both are difficult choices and come with a crazy ridiculous price tag. It’s also not every day that someone with that Eden-type uterus comes to us with a once in a life time opportunity to offer to carry for us. We are like Charlie from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and we just got our golden ticket. Commence Surrogacy 101…
How do you know when to pursue Surrogacy or a Gestational Carrier?
1. Missing or Abnormal Uterus
2. Multiple Pregnancy Loss
3. Several Failed IVF Transfers
4. Potential Life-Threatening Health Risks From Pregnancy
5. Unexplained Infertility
We fall into 2 of 5 of those categories.
Let’s talk terminology. First of all Chris and I would be called “Intended Parents“. We are the recipients of the baby to be. We would be those ones pestering the surrogate to go to ultrasound appointments and doting over the surrogate’s every need while she carried our child.
Next point of clarification is the term “Surrogacy“. Basically, it is when a woman carries and delivers a baby for a person or couple. Duh, I know most of you know this but just starting out with the basics. The first recognized surrogate mother arrangement was made in 1976. Between 1976 and 1988, roughly 600 children were born in the US to surrogate mothers. Since the late 1980’s surrogacy has been more common and thousands of infertile couples are able to become parents as a result. The first surrogacy in the US is referred to as the Baby M Case… you can click on the link here and learn more, but the gist is it ended up being a hot surro-mess. Not a good start out of the family building options gate.
There are many different types of surrogacy, mostly dealing with the different ways the surro becomes pregnant (We are using the lingo already!) and whose biological bits and pieces are used. Basically, it can be quickly separated into 2 different categories though. There is Traditional (Genetic) Surrogacy where the intended father’s sperm is transferred to the surrogate through an IUI. From this, the resultant child would have genetic contributions from the intended father and surrogate. When surrogacy first started (and we are talking biblical times… seriously, although it may not have involved and IUI back then), this was the most popular method of surrogacy.
If the surrogacy is arrived at in any other manner, then it is considered to be a Gestational Surrogacy. For example, the most common type, currently, is the transfer of a fertilized embryo or blastocyst that was generated from the intended mother’s egg and the intended father’s sperm. Upon a successful pregnancy and delivery of the infant, the genetic make up of the child will reflect that of both the intended parents. Thus, if the child has terrible gas, horrible allergies, or loses all their hair at 17, it is clearly the intended mother’s DNA’s fault (An official statement from Chris). This would be our case if we proceed with surrogacy, not the intended mother DNA issues of course. Beyond this, there are several different alternative approaches to gestational surrogacy involving donor sperm, donor eggs, donor sperm and eggs (donor embryo). Our friend Wikipedia has broken down all of the particulars for the different types of surrogacy if you want all of the details.
Finally, there are two types of legal surrogacy agreements: Commercial Surrogacy and Altruistic Surrogacy.
Altruistic Surrogacy is where a woman (typically a sister, relative, or close bestie) offers to unselfishly abandon her wine habits for 9 months and volunteers to carry a baby for an infertile couple with no monetary gain. Commercial Surrogacy is where there is a business relationship established and the surrogate and the intended parents enter in a contract where there is a monetary exchange. Both are very different but similar in the fact that the surrogate is selflessly (paid or not) helping create families for childless couples.
There are a lot more details about surrogacy and we will cover them in future posts. Think of this as sort of our ‘skimming the surrogacy surface’ information we have found from starting our surrogacy research. We will write about the surrogacy contract details and other information when we dig deeper into it. For now, we know that surrogacy is an option for us and are not quite sure we know enough yet to make a decision between surrogacy or adoption.
So, in summary, surrogacy is complicated, expensive, and involved. But DAMN, if it works, it seems like it would be worth every bit of it!
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Hi guys. Rough seas and some dark days up here in NH havent made for a very good blog commenter (commentator?), but you can know IM ALWAYS reading. always trying to harness your positivity, and when that seems impossible–laugh at your snark and humor 🙂 I was wondering how the surrogacy piece that youd spoken briefly about a few weeks ago was playing out. It would be such an amazing gift to be able to be a surrogate for someone…I am sure you guys are mulling over the options, both emotionally and financially. Years ago I read a biography written by the first woman to be a surrogate in the baby m surrogacy. It was very very interesting. Wish I could remember the name but a google search would probably find it. THinking of you guys so much and hpe the answers come ‘easily’. XOXO
Lynn
LYNN! It always brings us joy to see your posts. We are thinking of you. I will send you an email offline to check on those rough seas. Oh boy surrogacy. LORDY its a whole new type of infertility hardcoreness. There is a lot to it. I agree, 100% it is an amazing gift to help a couple have a family. Beyond an act off kindness, it is hands down the most amazing gift you can give someone. It is sad though, not many are willing to do it and many couples can not find one. I will check out Google and see if I can find that biography you are talking about. XOXO