As many of you know, October is time for a different kind of awareness. Namely, Pregnacy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day which will be October 15th . Just as we did last October, we want to take a step back this month and let people that have dealt with this incredibly difficult topic, first hand, tell their story. These posts are not just to bring awareness to a subject that is rarely spoken about, but it is also to take a moment to remember them. The next series of posts will be hard. Expect them to be raw, and most certainly will resound in the honest and heartfelt echo that has impacted these couples lives indefinitely.
For our first story, we had an opportunity to interview Fran Meadows, a talented author, fertility advocate, public speaker, and all-around amazing person. She selflessly gives so much of her time to help spread awareness, spear-head advocacy efforts, and equip the IF community with better tools to survive and thrive in the face of infertility. Fran has helped us immeasurably as we worked to get the word out about our MTV True Life episode. Her website, www.secretinfertility.com, covers everything from International IVF, to coping with male infertility. She is the voice. She is the “someone” shouting for those not heard. Keep reading after her interview to find out how you can win a copy of her book, The Truth Behind the Secret “Infertility.”
Here is our interview with Fran Meadows:
“As my belly was prepped with the cold gel and the sonogram probe was placed to find a heartbeat, right there I knew from looking at the monitor and the technician’s face with fear! ~ Right there I knew that I lost my baby”
1. When did you decide to seek help starting your family?
With denial on the brain when it came to my husband and I not being able to conceive naturally it took some time before we wanted to come to the conclusion that something might be wrong. It took us about 2 1/2 years while trying naturally and wondering each month why we weren’t getting pregnant. I was ready to know what was wrong and my husband was clinging to the “It will happen naturally when the time is right!” I think it was more fear than anything, the thought of his manhood being out there.
2. What advice can you give to people that have just had a miscarriage or infant loss?
The loss of a child whether through miscarriage or stillbirth is nothing you can be prepared for. Everyone heals and mourns differently. I recommend healing at your own pace while seeking out therapy to help. Take time for yourself and mourn. The pain of losing a child will never leave you and you will never forget. The days will pass by quicker each year – your loss date and remembrance dates like October 15th will affect you more. You need to be able to acknowledge the loss, talk about it, share your story and be able to move forward. Moving forward is not forgetting, it is just part of life and we must take it day by day!
3. What was the biggest challenge you and your husband faced after your loss? How did each of you cope?
Coming home empty handed and my house wiped of anything that had to do with baby or maternity clothes in my closet. The nursery door remained closed until I was brave enough to go in and cry. The moment I knew that the healing was ready to begin was when I was home alone, baby belly free as my breasts leaked with milk, I found the courage to enter the nursery where I sat in the rocking chair weeping looking at the unfinished mural that was supposed for my life I lost. Each day little by little I would go in the room and sit in silence looking around and rock in the chair and write. It would help me release the pain and grow with strength each day. Men and women cope with loss and emotions differently so I was trying to be strong while my husband was trying to be strong to protect me. We had a hard time talking to each other about what happened. Getting back to normalcy was hard. It was hard to face family, friends and co-workers. It was hard to look at myself in the mirror as the guilt and “what did I do wrong?” was still with me.
4. How did you find the strength to turn your bruises into something to benefit others in a situation similar to yours, the IF community?
During my experiences of trying to conceive I kept journals to share my thoughts on paper, this helped me get my emotions out. My bruises of going through over six years of infertility, a late pregnancy loss and the ups/downs that came with treatments was challenging. I found that my moments of weakness filled with anger, shame and embarrassment were actually my moments of strength. You learn a lot about yourself and how these negative experiences can be turned around to help others. I shared my story in my book – The Truth Behind The Secret “Infertility” – it allowed me to heal and be able to grow my strength while allowing others to grow that sense of hope during their treatments. I feel everyone has something to share especially if it is something that so many experience, sharing stories of pain is the first step in raising awareness allowing others to open up too.
5. Where in your journey did you decide to become an advocate for infertility?
Once family and friends connected with me after hearing about my book release, I found that hearing other experiences made me realize the power of sharing my story. I found myself being a voice for infertility as an advocate so that I could help others in their journey. I have attended Resolve’s Advocacy Day for two years in hopes that Congress will hear the community and help make coverage for fertility treatments more attainable through these bills we advocate for. Being able to speak about my experiences and supporting others has been truly rewarding.
6. What would you tell someone that feels like they can’t go another day on the hard road of infertility?
Take it day by day. All experiences are unique as are the outcomes – Share and open up to others seeking support. Hold on to HOPE!
7. What upcoming and exciting events do you have on the horizon for the IF community?
In honor of remembrance day I am honoring those lost angels virtually on my website and on my Facebook event page reserve your angel butterfly and have it personalized with your child’s name and date of loss. At 8PM on 10/15 all butterflies will be released virtually to honor and remember.
If you want more information on events or projects that Fran is working on, check out her website.
***FREE GIVEAWAY ALERT***
I happen to have in my possession, several copies of her book, “The Truth Behind the Secret Infertility”. If you would like one, below are the deets!
-
Click on upcoming events, then on her event for October 15th.
“Acknowledge, reflect, heal with the power of love honoring your lost child!”
– Fran Meadows
If you like our blog, please follow us! You can also subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts hot off the press! You want more of our antics you say? Well, we are on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest also.
– Fran Meadows
If you like our blog, please follow us! You can also subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts hot off the press! You want more of our antics you say? Well, we are on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest also.
Chris and Candace, I just found your blog after wondering how you guys were doing after True Life… Thank you so much for sharing your private struggle with the world, hoping to shed some light on the painful struggle of infertility. Candace, the tears and breakdowns are something all too familiar to me as my husband and I are currently struggling with infertility and have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years now. 🙁 Seeing Chris nurture you as you cried was like seeing my husband and myself. It’s the most painful thing I’ve had to experience and it’s so hard. I couldn’t imagine sharing my struggle so publicly how you have, but am so thankful that you did. If you want to read more of my story, feel free to visit my blog (that not many people know about) at http://www.desiringbaby.blogspot.com. I wish you two nothing but the best as you continue the fight to start your family! Keeping you in my prayers and hoping you’ll be parents soon! <3!