Putting the Ale in Male Infertility

Chris: Alright, so the title is not really germane to the recommendations in this post, actually I am fairly certain that putting ale in a male is the opposite of what you want to do to boost male fertility.  But, I like beer and I thought it sounded catchy.  After all, you are still reading this right?
 

Anyway, I mentioned a while back that I wanted to discuss some ways to boost male fertility.  Don’t be confused with boosting male fertility and male virility.  No, there will be no recommendations for Spanish Fly, Viagra, or those crazy dangerous pills that you see at the 7-11 counters.   Following the suggestions in this post will not cause you to have a titanium penis or walrus shlong (look it up).  Instead, the information here is to improve your sperm count, sperm motility and morphology, and hopefully, eventually, decrease your sleep as you and your wife thumb wrestle over who will change the next diaper.

Alright guys … want to send your sperm count into the stratosphere?  Here is all you need to do: eat lots of steak, burgers and French fries, drink lots of beer and liquor, and smoke lots of cigars.  Uhmmm, not quite.  Sounds good but I am afraid it is kind of the opposite of that.  Unbeknownst to many, there are not a lot of vitamins in cigars.  Sucks right?  Don’t worry though, there are some nice options (and some that aren’t so nice).  Guess what you need: selenium and zinc, among other things.  You can get selenium from Brazil nuts and zinc from liver and oysters.  Brazil nuts, the nut that is always left behind in that holiday mixed nut bowl is now your friend.  Liver and oysters, a seemingly indigestible combination, can be just what you need to get your pointy headed swimmers to knock her up.  When Candace and I were hot and heavy on our quest for making babies, I would do Fear Factor eating of smoked oysters.  Unfortunately, there was no cash prize after finishing the metal pan of nastiness.  Check this site out for some other great ideas from Men’s Health Magazine.  Hey, there is steak and ice cream on the list … BONUS!

Exercise, don’t cook your balls though

That’s right, blast those quads to make those babies.  Hit the gym, the pavement, the pool, or the library (well, only if you are going to lift heavy books in a periodic fashion).  I know this may seem like absolute common sense, and it is.  If you are in better health, you will make more sperm that are higher quality.  Duh.  Here is another good site that talks about getting exercise and sunshine among lots of other good advice.  Just don’t get all Jersey Shore on us.  Now, let’s say that you cannot hold back.  Your eyes turn red as soon as you see those 100 pound dumbbells and you must do power thrusts.  What will you do?  Well, problem solved!  Just make sure you are wearing some SnowBalls underwear and those boys of yours will be comfortably cool while you run your ultramarathon.  Okay, don’t run an ultramarathon, these undies probably aren’t designed for that.

She gave you the green light, you have eaten your oysters and done your squat thrusts.  What the hell else do you need?  Well, maybe the situation is a little … how do you say it … dry.  Gents, we know what to do right?  Forgive my crassness but spit is a great lubricant, it’s not so great for your teeny swimmers.  Neither are any of the common amorous lubricants.  There is a solution though.  A lubricant that is a friend to your sperm, Preseed.  Check it out here.  There may be others as well but I have tried Preseed.  My only recommendation is to make sure to use it sparingly at first.  The delivery containers that we used were way too much stuff.  Think slip-n-slide.  Not pretty.

Get the troops rallied (or in women-speak, setting the mood)

In 2010, the most babies were born in September.  Wonder why that is?  Well, subtract 8-9 months from that and what do you get?  Late fall-early winter … which is just around the corner.  What happens during this time and why are so many babies born 9 months later?  Let’s check out the scene.  Ski resort chalet, check.  Curled up by a fireplace, check.  Your smokin’ hot wife in a tight fitting sweater, double check.  Bear skin rug on the floor ready to be tackled in passion, check.  So, all the romantic ingredients are there, let’s have a baby.  For men with fertility issues though, this may not be enough.  Geesh, what else do we need?  Cuddle time.  WHAT?!  That doesn’t seem to be too productive to having a baby.  Cuddle time, might as well shoot me now, I am here, I am ready, I want to get this baby making thing started.  Your body though, the reproductive system in particular, doesn’t necessarily feel the same.  If you can extend the amount of time that you spend being intimate (i.e., delay ejaculation), you are more likely to have a larger number of sperm “deployed.”  This means get the engines turning, rev up the RPMs, then slow down a bit.

We could go into tons of different things about how you should time your uhuhm, lurid encounters, to only be so frequent but not too rare so that you have just the right amount of the freshest of sperm soldiers.  Or, we could talk about all of the things you should avoid: tobacco, alcohol, fried foods, eating glass, smoking grass, and getting a swift kick in the … well you get the idea.  Want to do this right?  Think about it like this, as I am eating this or getting ready to do this activity, is it good for me?  Chances are if the answer is no, then it is not likely to be good for your little baby makers either.  What is good is being all Zen-like.  Think positive about your boys (the sperm factories that they are) and treat them right.  Eat fruit and veggies and steak too.  Take them for a light jog around the neighborhood and then for a turn around your misses when she is ovulating.  They will show their appreciation by giving you the greatest chance of becoming a father or expanding your family.  Worst case, all this healthy ball-care will have you in better shape, better state of mind, and most likely even more irresistible to your lady.  Good luck out there gents!

Last chance to throw us a quickie, as in a quick vote! Recall back in April (National Infertility Awareness Week) when we were challenged to write about a specific topic “Resolve to Know More About…?” Well, that is the post that secured our nomination for the Hope Award Best Blog.  So here is what you need to do: