October may mean something different to many of us. Maybe more frequent visits to the dentist, or pumpkin spice everything, and an occasional cannon ball into a massive pile of fall leaves. I would bet a lot of people though, may not associate October with the fact it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” (October15th.com) Mr. Reagan may have been a crappy actor, but he was compassionate and his words came from a place of familiarity of that infinite pain. I am unsure if this is documented, but I am all but certain either he, or someone close to him had experienced this firsthand. He is right though, there is no name for those parents who have had to grieve the loss of child. No word in the English vocabulary can capture the weight of the meaning. And there is no name for the 1 in 5 couples who have miscarried or lost.
That is why for the next month we turn over our blog to those who have bravely shared their story. All of these voices sum up the raw pain and loss that was experienced, some of these guest posts will also shed some new light and hope that you can survive and live on to honor these angels who have gained their wings all too soon.
During our October guest post series, our site will be doing a behind the scenes remodel. We waited to add in tabs for resources and convert it over to a .com versus a blogspot. Hence why we are finally making the change from Blogger to self-hosted WordPress. So for those who are weekly readers be on the lookout for these soon to come new enhancements! I am excited about the change and hope you all like the new layout and look. Also, I am not sure how it will affect those who subscribe via email, but I can imagine we will be working out some bugs once I cross that bridge. Fingers crossed!
I’m so grateful for finding your blog tonight. I suffered from a complete molar pregnancy less than 2 months ago, first time trying to conceive. Reading other women’s stories make me feel less alone. Thank you for bringing awareness.
I too suffered a CMP my first time trying to conceive. You are not alone. I delivered a healthy baby boy one year later. Wishing the very best for you and your family!
“What do you call a mother who loses her child?”
I stumbled across this web page while doing some research on Breast Cancer Awareness Month and read the quote by Ronald Regan. I’d seen this quote before of course. It’s been making the rounds on Facebook for years. I even addressed this quote/question in my own Christmas blog two years ago. What does such a somber question have to do with the joy and merriment of Christmas, you ask? Simple. I know the answer. And it’s the only thing that makes Christmas real for me. The following is an excerpt from that blog:
A few weeks ago I started drafting my Christmas blog. It was full of holiday cheer, glad tidings, great joy and the magic of Christmas. I was up to my eyeballs in jingle bells and mistletoe when I came across something on Facebook that made all my work come to a screeching halt. It was a question posed by an unknown author. It read:
“If a wife loses her husband, she is called a widow. If a husband loses his wife, he is called a widower. What do you call a mother who loses her child?”
I stared at this question for several minutes. Who was the author? An elderly librarian? A young intellectual who loves poetry? One thing I knew for sure. Whoever it was, they weren’t someone who’d lost a child. If they had, they wouldn’t have to ask; they’d already know the answer. And what kind of coincidence was it that I should stumble across this question the same time I was trying to write my latest post? Knee deep in trappings and tinsel no less?
There was no point in trying to get back to my own Polar Express of a post. That was trashed. I pushed my notes off my desk, sat back in my chair and just stared out at the gathering dusk. And as I let past Christmas memories flood over me, it was suddenly very easy for me to see the connection between this gentle question and the meaning of Christmas, and it made me smile. Past the twinkling lights, I focused on one star a little further to the East and knew what I wanted to write about. I wanted to answer this question. After all, the reason I know the answer is the reason I celebrate Christmas.
I used to celebrate Christmas with the same excitement and enthusiasm as anyone else. I’d spend hours shopping for the best deals, even getting up early on Black Friday to beat the crowds. I’d hang my stockings, decorate my house and hum Christmas carols at work, and I still do some of those things, but Christmas has become much quieter for me. I’ve become much quieter, and I know it’s because I’ve already received the only gift that comes with infinite value. You could take down all the tinsel, presents and mistletoe and I’d never miss them, because for me, Christmas isn’t something you can wrap up and put under a tree. It isn’t in the stockings by the fireplace, or in the milk and cookies by the hearth either. It can’t be bought, sold, or bargained for.
For me, Christmas is knowing that my son didn’t die that day in February nearly seven years ago. I still see thousands of signs all around me telling me he hasn’t gone anywhere. When I get stressed or frustrated, I can still hear his laugh, telling me to cheer up. When I catch myself staring at his picture and missing him, I can see him rolling his eyes and telling me yet again that he’s right there. And when I’m not even thinking about him, I’ll get jolted by some sign from him, a sign as big as a football player waving “Hi Mom!” into a camera. For me, Christmas is the gift of a Child, and His every day proof of the promise of everlasting life.
And so, dear friend, it isn’t coincidental at all that I found your question at the same time I was trying to define my own reason for the season. I believe we were meant to cross paths. You reminded me of the Gift I’d been given, and the reason I can still celebrate Christmas after losing my son. It’s a Gift we have all been given, and what we can all possess if we know where to look. The answer to your question is my gift to you, and it’s found in the shining star on your tree, and in the floorboards under your knees.
What do you call a mother who loses her child? A mother, dear friend. A mother.
Only the Month of October 1988 ALONE is Proclaimed. It is time for a US National Federal October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Campaign to obtain official permanent aannual observation.
Proclamation 5890 — Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988
Proclamation 5890 — Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988
October 25, 1988
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation
Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.
Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.
Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.
The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month” and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.
Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.
Ronald Reagan
[Filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 11:13 a.m., October 26, 1988]
https://reaganlibrary.gov/archives/2016-09-07-20-42-25/36-archives/speeches/1988/8635-102588b