Mother’s Day is all about YOUR mom right? It is the 1 day out of the year that is specifically designated to spoil those “moms” in your life for putting up with your crap ever since you were brought into this world… by her no less. Literally, these are the women who changed your diaper, refrained from strangeling you when you were a smart mouthed teenager and who gave up countless hours of sleep through those young adult years. The problem is that I feel robbed. More so, I feel like my mom is robbed. All of the mother figures and friends who are mothers in my life, you are all victims of my affliction. I cannot enjoy this day with you like I once did. I cannot honor you like you should be honored. It is wrong, it is selfish, it is my infertility.
For those who have been following Chris and I, you know we embrace everything. It takes more energy to be negative and well, if you have a shit situation you make the best of it. I look forward to every holiday, and like events. Days where you can recognize the ones you love, BRING IT. However, instead of me being excited about what I will get for those mom-ladies in my life, I wait in line at Hallmark and pray I don’t have a Tammy Faye mascara leakage episode while I pay for the 10 Mother’s Day cards I just purchased. As I try to suppress that pity-storm brewing in my head, I wonder when I will get my card. It is bad enough my “IF” has consumed our lives, it is not fair it should outwardly affect those who I love around me. So I mentally slap myself to dig out of the deep dark place I am in, and I wrote down a Do and Don’t list of surviving Mother’s Day with an empty womb, like to hear it? Her it go’…
Don’ts
1. Don’t stalk Facebook–UNPLUG! Hide your computer, and refrain from social apps on your phone. It is only for a day so don’t get the electronic shakes or anything. It will be a cacophony of posts and pictures of babies, mothers with babies, moms with moms with babies, babies with generations of moms … you get the point. Just pretend it is 1920 and unplug.
2. Don’t sign yourself up for large family gatherings. It is totally OK to regretfully decline. Call in sick or blame the dog. Instead plan some 1 on 1 time with the “moms” in your life. Not to mention you won’t have to wait 2 hours for your table on the Tuesday after Mother’s Day.
3. Don’t search for the bottom of a wine bottle curled up under your bed alone or consider a “jumbo” glass of wine a bottle with a long straw in it. Now it is totally OK even encouraged, to polish off a bottle or 3 with another infertile friend or your partner but don’t isolate yourself. Being alone on a difficult day will make you feel even more alone.
4. Don’t freak out on your husband for not buying you a Mother’s Day card from the dog, cat or goldfish (guilty). Please try not to take it out on him, unless they have decided to play “extreme darts” a few weeks prior and have yet to patch up the holes in the door frame…eh hem CHRIS. I digress. You both hurt and want a family. Take this time to do an impromptu getaway. What is that? Broke from treatments/costs of family building options? Well how about a nice dinner-in at Le Chez Casa or a backyard camping trip, smores invited. Get creative!
DO
1. Do recognize those “Mom’s” in your life. It is a painful day for you. At the end of the day you will be in pain and feel horribly guilty if you don’t show the ones you love that you care. Here is the thing, you don’t have to hire a skywriter or a dancing singing telegram but let them know you love them and remember them on this day. We ordered most of our gifts online!
2. Do pamper yourself. Yep, that’s right. Treat yourself to something nice on Mother’s Day after all many of us are mothers in heart, mothers in training or for many I know reading this right now, once mothers of now angels. You are just as deserving for all of the sacrifice you have been through to indulge just a little. Plus instead of dreading this day, you will have something to look forward to. The ol’ bait and switch tactic.
3. Do reach out to other childless mothers. Infertility, miscarriage and child loss is an unfortunate sorority that all of us become members of when we realize that our path to a family is not a straight one. Get together, share stories, encourage one another that your tears are not wasted. A hug, card, or simple text will go a long way.
4. Do remain hopeful. You will be a mother, We are fighters, we are strong and we are determined. There is no force stronger than human will, male or female. If we decide to never stop trying and have faith that we will reach the end of our family building journey there is only one way to go… forward.
Cheers ladies and Happy Mother’s Day to all those women that have children, whether in their house or their hearts!
For those who want to keep insta-tabs on our surrogacy journey for hash-tagy purposes check out @Ourmisconception #KangaKapers on Instagram. If you want a little more than just a blog post here and there or have questions, comments or witty quips to share with us, toss an email our way or stop by our Facebook page for some #IF encouragement.
Such a great reminder for those of us who are dealing with infertility or with the loss of a child, like myself. Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for us!
Thanks Natalie! I can not imagine having to go through the day having lost a child. My thoughts are with you and I hope you take some “me pampering” time for yourself today!
I love this post! I have been struggling with Mother’s Day this year as well (and for many years previously). Definitely agree about unplugging social media on this day. Infertility is an isolating condition. It really helps to know that there are other women out there struggling with this and speaking so positively 🙂 Thank you for this.
Aubree, you are certainly not alone. Every year seems to sting just a little bit more. I know this will not be forever, and I will get my card, as will you!
Love this post, thank you! The only thing that got me through my day was an unexpected hug and “I love you” from an old friend who knew what I was feeling yesterday. It made my day and gave me strength!