Letting go of the plan

 

I think the moment we cross that threshold of the fertility clinic, we begin to let go of “the plan.” The plan that made us think it would be easy, fun- spontaneous even. Fast forward to years of treatments, and failures, your plan changes even more into something that is seemingly unrecognizable. This is why we wanted to share Mollie Huyck’s story. Having crossed paths quite a bit through both of our pursuits to become a mama and our passion for advocacy. We have a fellow IP bond of understanding the grief, determination, and sheer blind faith that it took to be where we are today.  Mollie shares with us what it’s like to let go of her own plan:

Mollie- I was home alone that afternoon while my husband was on shift at the fire station. The call came in that my beta numbers were low and that I could stop the medication (again). Crying on my knees, kneeling against the bed, begging God to please not take another baby away from us. Please take me, let her stay, please just let her live. But, she too didn’t get to stay.

After 8 frozen embryo transfers I was certain each transfer was going to work. We had done everything the physicians had asked us to do, every test. Perfect and beautiful embryos, genetic testing, normal biopsies, endometrial receptivity array testing, uterine scratching, hysterosalpingogram, hysteroscopy all with only “normal” findings.

After years of failure and loss I began to hope they would find something, anything that could tell us why we would continue to have chemical and ectopic pregnancies. But instead we were told, just like I had heard in the movies, “You’ve done everything you could do… we can see the cover of your book, how many pages belong to that book but cannot yet tell you the writing on each page.” It was an explanation that resonated so strongly with, someone who had always wanted to become a mama. Unfortunately, unexplained infertility would be our diagnosis. With one remaining biological embryo we needed to decide next steps with the recommendation of pursuing gestational surrogacy which we had never considered.

I had never dreamt of my dream wedding like most little girls, but I did dream of becoming a mama. I never dreamt of being pregnant- as a little girl, perhaps I just thought that’s how babies came into this world and never questioned it. But when I really looked, as an adult, at why I wanted to become a mama it was reasons far beyond just experiencing childbirth to my biological child. It was about loving and raising our child together and giving him or her every ounce of love and nurturing we could. However, I found myself down this path so far due to infertility as I believed if I just tried a little harder it would all come together.

With so much grief and sadness we had experienced, this magical fire continued to burn, to keep my heart open to what may be in store for our little family. As I continued to lean into our options to grow our family we decided to reach as far as we knew how.

We decided as we tried to find a gestational surrogate to potentially carry our last biological embryo we would complete a home study for adoption, as we had only experienced loss with every transfer. We completed our home study and began the wait, a wait we were told could be years. Shortly after we matched with gestational surrogate number one. Fast forward six months were met with a negative result from our final bio-embryo transfer. At this point feeling like all odds were against us, we discussed our options with our physician. She explained they have an embryo donation program however the wait could be a very long process. We said yes, please consider us for the embryo donation program and we would partner with our gestational carrier when we were matched.

Legally releasing our gestational surrogate from our agreement given that we were told it could take years, believed it was best for all. In less than 72 hours received a call from the clinic that they had a profile to share with us. As I read this profile, tears streamed from my eyes, I knew this was meant to be – a sign of who was to become our child. In excitement I called our gestational carrier, a friend, to be met with I’m so sorry I’ve signed with an agency who can offer me more money.

Crushed and at a loss for what we do or where we go from here – requested more time to gather our next steps. I remember being so angry at the world that someone would choose money over bringing life into this world for a couple who had tried everything we could. Again, the plan for what was in store was greater than the plan I could have ever created. She would go on to help bring another family their dream of growing their family.

We tried again, this time through an agency and was met with a failed match right before transfer after paying for all of her testing and medication. Graciously, if it weren’t for our clinic we would have hit another barrier. They extended the gift of time and compassion while we gathered what steps to take next.

Shortly thereafter we were matched for a third time, this match would have it all make sense for us. She was kind, passed all of the required testing, and expressed how the funds we would pay would support her family while helping us grow ours, which was important to us. That she wanted me to be able to experience the journey as a first-time mama. Transfer day was an incredible day. Though the transfers are brief, there is something so magical about seeing life from inception to placing all of your hope into the 10-day wait. She was kind enough to let our clinic tell us the result before connecting with her.

6 years and ten days later we would hear the incredible news that the result was a very strong positive. Shortly thereafter we would hear the angelic heartbeat of what we learn months later to be our daughter.

9 months later, on an early fall morning our beautiful daughter was born.  I had the privilege of separating the bond of the woman who nurtured her for months, to join me (us) as the woman who grew her in my heart for as long as I could remember. She took my breath away as I became her forever mama.

The “magical moment when her eyes met with mine, I became her mama…”

Sometimes the plan I thought I supposed to take wasn’t the plan at all. That when I was able to let go of what I thought was how we were supposed to grow our family, it created an even more precious journey to family than I could have ever dreamt of.  She is our God wink.

Our family is defined by LOVE. “… and forever she’ll be mine.” -Mollie Huyck, Children’s Author: I Became Your Mama

Candace-Did I mention that Mollie is a children’s author? No?  We’ll she wrote an enduring children’s book that hints on the different journey that parents after infertility take, called “I Became Your Mama.”  It’s amazing. You guys should know by now I love books, especially ones that help explain the complicated birds and the bees infertility story on a mini-humans level. Because Mollie is so amazeballs, sent me an extra copy to giveaway. I’ll also toss in something spectacular too. Best leave that as a surprise.

Here’s how you can win a copy of your own:

1. Go to the post on the @ourmisconception Instagram page like it, and comment. Make sure to follow both our page and @ibecameyourmama on Instagram.

OR ….(if you’re not on IG)

2. Simply Love Oregon Shop on Etsy  and leave a comment on this post.

I will announce a winner at random on Friday February 8^th, 2019. For those who don’t want to wait, here’s where you can purchase a copy of your own. 

Good luck!

For those who want to keep insta-tabs on our regular shenanigans check out @Ourmisconception on Instagram. If you have comments, witty quips to share or need some encouragement feels, drop by our Facebook page.