Kasey’s Story

Our next guest post is from Kasey. She is among many who are breaking the silence during our pregnancy and infant loss series. It is not easily to write these posts. More so, re-live those raw feelings again. Loss of a pregnancy is devastating emotionally. It also can weigh heavily on a couple’s relationship. I will now let Kasey tell her story:

I’ve always been scared to tell people about my story. I don’t want to be pitied or seen as someone after attention. But saying/writing the words can be healing and can raise awareness. So here goes.

In September 2009 my world fell apart when I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. I took the test when my period was a day late on a fluke. I didn’t think it would come back positive so I freaked a little but I was so happy. I did all the normal things you’re supposed to do. Started taking folic acid, got it confirmed by the doctor and started looking at baby things. Then I started spotting. After a miscarriage the January before of course I panicked. I went straight to the hospital to find out what was going on. The nurse there took my pee and told me “yeah miscarriage and UTI” gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. I was devastated but not 100% convinced it was a miscarriage. I was only spotting brown blood and there was no pain. So I went to my GP who agreed with me and scheduled me in for a scan. I felt slightly better after that so I went home, relaxed and waited to go to my scan.

That’s when the pain started. It felt like someone had clamped a huge vice onto my right hip and it was just getting tighter and tighter. It was unbearable agony and I couldn’t take it. I rushed to hospital then waited an hour to see a nurse. She didn’t seem to believe I was in that much pain and just offered me paracetamol. She must have checked my notes properly because as I was about to give them my pee sample the nurse rushed out and hustled me to a cubicle where I thought I would get seen quickly. I was very wrong. I was kept in agony for what seemed like hours. I was given no pain relief and a “lovely” nurse came in and told me to stop screaming. Finally I was given relief and taken to the gynecology ward for the night where I got a little sleep.

The next day I was given a scan. The tech didn’t say anything as she used the dildo cam on me although I could tell she wanted to find something good for me. I could tell that she didn’t. They sent me back to my room and I waited anxiously to be told what was going on. The doctor came in and told me the baby was growing in my right Fallopian tube and I would need an operation to remove it and my tube. I felt like my world was crumbling around me. I wanted to die. Right there and then. Just stop being. My husband tried to comfort me but it was fruitless. I couldn’t see beyond my own pain and loss.

The operation happened the next day. I had to walk what seemed like miles to the room then lie down on the bed where I was stuck with numerous needles. The lady in there did her best with small talk but soon gave up as I couldn’t stop crying. She seemed genuinely concerned for me which, looking back, was something I needed. Someone who was removed from the situation but cared. They gave me the anesthetic and I was out. The next thing I knew I was back in my room with a tube sticking out of my stomach and it was all over.

The Fallopian tube was so close to rupturing that they had to remove it along with the tiny ball of cells that was never meant to be. So now I only have one Fallopian tube and, in my eyes, the chances of conceiving naturally have been cut in half.

I want to say that I got over it or that I’m getting over it. I want to say that I’m OK with the whole thing. But I’m not. I was let down by that first nurse and it just spiraled out of control. I never should have been put in the situation where I had to lose my tube. But I was and it’s something I have to live with now.

Me and my husband are no longer together. He never really had the emotional capacity to deal with loss so he shut down and we lost each other. Right now I’m with someone new who loves me and is there for me emotionally. We are currently trying for a baby and may be looking into getting help via IVF.

Thank you Kasey for sharing your story with us. I know your heartache will not be in vain. I can speak for all who have just now read your words, that we wish you the babiest of baby dust when you start to embark on the wild world of IVF.