It’s April. New Year’s resolutions are long forgotten. Rain and pollen are all that are going on outside. What will you do with all your spare time? Well, it’s National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and Resolve has been organizing this for the past 23 years. In typical C & C fashion, we are going to embrace NIAW and “Joining the Movement” in our own ways … enjoy the ride:
Candace
Ever hear that song, “It takes two to make a thing go right?” {Insert awkward dance break} Well, in the world of infertility, it takes you/your partner, a few nurses, an adoption agency, embryologists, a surrogate, several pharmacists, support groups, RESOLVE, and perhaps a loan office to make that baby thing go right. To finally, after years of desperation, have a family. The song is a little different for a couple with infertility. Maybe something like, “It takes 23 to make a thing go right.” Not quite as romantic huh?
Without Chris darting me in my butt with a 1.5 inch syringe in a lone corner away from prying eyes in the middle of a wedding, I would not have even had the slightest chance at becoming a mother. You see, it is more than just the woman; it is more than just the man. It is the dreams they have, the hopes they share, the life they hope to create and nurture. These are dreams that are, for many, yet to be realities. Some people reading this right now will say, “Yep, I took a shot in a car outside a baby shower and afterwards cried my eyes out on the way home.” You can relate. For others, thank you for reading our stories, as this ‘IF’ world may be new to you. You may have had your love, marriage, and baby carriage without much struggle, empty bank account, or a sore backside. We think about what could be, but for those fortunate not to have lived in the ‘IF’ world, consider for a moment how different you would feel looking into your child’s eyes knowing that it took umpteen years, tons of money, and countless tears to have that chance.
It takes more than two to make a thing go right. It takes you to “Join the Movement.” It takes you to support that infertile couple on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day when they celebrate yet another year in childless hoping. Ever thought of sending them a card simply saying, “Hey, I’m thinking of you.” Join the movement by getting involved with legislative activities. Who knows, maybe you could help someone who is about to have chemotherapy have a chance at having insurance coverage to freeze their eggs or sperm so they can have a child one day. If you are currently in the IF trenches with us. Join the Movement by talking about it. Blog, tweet, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, Morse code, you get the picture. I know it is easier said than done, but it is important to break the silence. It’s not like I wanted to talk to my in-laws about Chris’s sperm count or my cervical mucus 6 years ago when we first started on our ‘IF’ path. By breaking the silence we have found support through the IF community, comfort by learning of others who share similar situations, and strength by reading success stories of those that have kicked infertility’s butt. Get your butt-kickin’ sneakers on and let’s Join together. In the world of ‘IF,’ it definitely takes more than 2 to make the family-thing go right.
Chris
Drawing on my steeped-in-science side, I am going to break down the theme into small parts to describe how we are Joining the Movement and how others can to. So, the theme has 3 words: Join, The, and Movement. The first is easy … Join. Simply put, it is the combination of two or more items together. Like the infamous middle school heart necklace. You know, you buy it and there are two pieces of a single heart. You give one piece to your girlfriend and keep the other one so that when you are together, you can JOIN your pieces together. Confess fellas, you bought one of these in the 5th grade for that someone special. Now for the second word … The. Although normally anything that is preceded with ‘the’ somehow takes on a huge and foreboding persona, for example ‘The Sahara Desert,’ ‘The Empire State building,’ ‘The Final Frontier.’ This ‘The Movement’ though, is an incredibly easy thing to be a part of. Final word … Movement. Sounds intimidating right. Geesh, a Movement, there is no way I can have an impact on something like a Movement?! Well, guess what, you are flat wrong.
Candace and I started blogging about everything that we were going through and everything we were learning because we felt like we were stumbling in the dark and wished that there was a hand, a distant source of light, or even a strange smell (not too strange though) that we could follow in some direction. Once we started posting about our adventures, we were exposed to a community of other people battling infertility that were either fellow wanderers in the dark or, and thankfully so, they were those sources of light, inspiration, and hope that all of us desperately seek. By simply posting a comment on a blog we wrote, they Joined the Movement.
One facet of the infertility community that is still largely in the dark, either by choice, environment, or simple tradition, is the male half of the infertility equation. What!? Isn’t that half of the equation, the whole sperm meets egg thing? Yep. Be that as it may, there is a huge lack of discussion and a huge opportunity for this group to “Join the Movement.” Candace and I have received comments time and again that women have shared our blog posts with their boyfriends/husbands and that the male half could relate to what we talked about because we post from both the male and female perspective. Like the discussion of walking around a fertility clinic with your freshly generated sperm sample, glorious DNA and all.
So, that is my rally cry for the 2013 NIAW. If you are not in the picture, come on fellas … Join the Movement. If you are reaching out to console a couple with fertility issues and notice all of your attention gravitating to the female half of the equation, open your arms a little wider and embrace the male half to. Besides, us fellas are the ones administering the billions of shots and there are very few things harder to do than give your significant other a painful huge intra-muscular injection while she is crying uncontrollably. If you are a couple going through fertility treatments, be open with each other and discuss your feelings. You can “Join the Movement” simply by surviving the ride of infertility together. The more of us that start the process, go through the fight, and come out the other side, hopefully stronger regardless of the outcome, the more there are to “Join the Movement.”
If you would like to learn more about infertility and NIAW check these links out:
General information about infertility
National Infertility Awareness Week
Wonderful, as always. I’ve directed many a man from my RESOLVE support group to this blog for this very reason. Thanks for talking so candidly from both sides of the syringe!
NOTWHENBUTIF-Seriously?! That is awesome, and thank you. Chris is walking around with his chest all puffed out now. Yey testosterone. I have been digging on your blog too m’lady.I saw your post for NIAW great job!
I had my “coming out” moment on Facebook today and joined the movement. I have PCOS and got pregnant with quads after a round of injects, but sadly lost them all. I am now CD14 with our first round of Clomid since the loss…I can’t help but find humor in the fact that my fertile week coincides with Infertility Awareness Week. Haha! Thank you for you blog. I find myself nodding my head while reading your words. Prayers that your adoption journey ends sooner rather than later with the most perfect child that God has always intended for you to call yours. Much love.
Kudos to you Gina for “coming out” that was pretty brave, and liberating too! I am so so so sorry about your loss. I am happy that you have started back on your path to parenthood. When I was in a dark place in my infertile pit of despair, I had a quote I read out constantly (and still do) “Even on my weakest of days, I get a little stronger” -Sara Evans Good luck on your Clomid round, will you keep us posted??
Aw! Thanks for the sweet words. My anthem song through the pits of IF despair has been Laura Story “Blessings”. The part of the song that reads, “What if life’s greatest trials were actually your blessings in disguise.” Gets me. Every. Time. First Clomid round ended in a BFFN…you can take a guess as to what the extra f stands for. =) So now we are on to Femara. Read your Curve Ball post with tears in my eyes! Praying super hard that God leads you in the right direction, and, of course, I will be reading daily for updates!
Loved hearing both sides. The support is definitely skewed in the female direction. Thank you.
Cherish, thank you for your comments. It has always interested me how differently the two sides of the fertility coin are treated. Certainly this process is much more physically and emotionally demanding on the female half, but I bet there are many men in this situation who have slowed down a little driving past a soccer field filled with little half pints chasing after a ball. Going at it together, regardless of who gets more external support, is definitely the best way to go.
Um…this is definitely one of the coolest blogs I’ve seen. I’m here from Bloggers Unite and I’m so excited to have found your blog because I’ve never seen this format (not sure if you both write all the time or not, but even if it’s just for this post, I still love it). Candace, I like the point you made about insurance coverage for somebody getting chemo. What a specific, real-life example of how joining the movement can help. And thank you, Chris, for speaking to the guys. Your voice is a little more rare and therefore so crucial. Again, thanks to both of you for a great post that outlines the struggle that is infertility. Best wishes to you two on your journey.
Thank you Em. There are so many ways that people can get involved in this issue. One of the things that has never ceased to amaze us is discovering the number of people in our circle of friends with issues similar to ours. By opening up and talking about it, especially among our male friends, we have been able to remove a lot of the uncomfortable moments that seemed to invade every facet of our lives. We even have friends who are not apprehensive about bringing their infants to our house, they will ask first of course. Thank you for being a part of Bloggers Unite and RESOLVE. It really is a great organization.
I am so glad I found your blog. I have laughed and cried. Finally, something/someone I can relate to. Thank you for bearing your souls to help others. I wish you all the best in all that you do!
My husband and I are in the “beginning” stage of IF (3 yrs).It is hard. BUT We are optimistic!
Take care and thank you!
-Mandy K