WARNING-Guys run now! Stop reading! If you continue on, well, enjoy (eyebrow raised) … this post is about all things menstrual. Not to be confused with mental, as most menstrual cycles make you, but the delicate tango you do with dear Aunt Flo on a monthly basis.
Fact: When you want it to start it does not. Actually out of spite, dear auntie will show up so incredibly late you have since then sparked a false sense of hope and invested a small fortune on pregnancy tests for shear torture.
Fact: When you do not wish her to pay a visit, board up all windows and turn on your “No Vacancy” sign, she will find a way to invade no matter how bad you push against her.
Ever cry in the grocery store isle buying tampons? I have. Not my proudest moment, but my umpteenth try at having a baby had failed and the ever piercing twisting knife was the damn period. Reminding me of what I cannot accomplish. So, in the mysterious world of infertility, in order for things to get started with your next procedure, it all starts at your calendar Day 1. This will not start on time simply because you are willing it, praying it, and anticipating it to start. Day 1 is the first day of your menstrual cycle which means you get to start your next round of procedures! Do you think mine started on time? NOPE, the real kicker is mine are like clockwork. DAMN YOU MURPHY’S LAW! So after stressing over starting and Chris paying WAY too much attention to when or why I have not started I decided to take matters into my own hands. Weird Ju-Ju begin.
Apparently, there are a ton of things you can do to help bring on the Flo. This next statement is a no brainer, but please do not try any of these if you even think for a second you could be or know you are pregnant!
Vitamin C!
Apparently, this will help you regulate your menstrual cycles. Vitamin C is the least invasive and pretty safe way of bringing on that stubborn Aunt Flo. You can purchase it in tablets or just implement that regulating vitamin through diet sources that are high in vitamin C. Orange you glad you know this? … corny, I know. A high dosage of the same is required to kick in the periods early, so best stick with the pills or tablets if you are looking for faster results. Vitamins, since they are a higher concentrations, will be more effective. (Chris interjection: don’t overdo it though! First, Vitamin C is water soluble. So, anything that your body absolutely cannot absorb will be excreted. You literally will be “pissing money away.” Next, it could damage your internal organs and modify your DNA by holding on to too much iron. So, go easy is all I’m saying)
Parsley Tea
Yep, that’s right! The common herb in your spice cabinet or like me growing in your herb garden. Parsley is known to lead to contractions in the uterus which helps bring on menstruation. Typically, it is brewed in a concentrated tea to induce a period. Although some have bundled it up in a cheese cloth and make a suppository (leave in for a few hours) and well, you can imagine the next step. That just sounds awful to me but hey, if you want to get close to the source, and I guess that’s a more direct approach? You can use dried parsley, brew about 2 tsp per cup 4 times a day. OR for a more potent tea, boil 1 1/2 cups of fresh parsley in boiling water for 30 minutes to help steep. Drain and enjoy! Not really. Admittedly, I have tried this. It tastes like ass. BUT cramping started that day so it’s a home worth trying. I’m just not desperate enough to do the other parsley method, sorry!
The Horizontal Tango
That’s right! Having sex is also known to help bring about delayed periods. During intercourse your body produces contractions in the uterus as well as releases hormones that help aid in inducing periods. Blood rushes to the vagina which helps stimulate menstruation. (Chris interjection: Well … if you think it will help 🙂 )
Exercise
Yeah, I am lazy and yoga is as strenuous as I get. SKIP
So, there are the secrets I have found. When pesky aunt Flo is late for dinner, try doing yoga while drinking orange parsley tea followed by a rigorous romp in the sack. I am also glad to report I have had my visiter and all systems are a GO to start meds for our next cycle, let the needles begin!
