Our Misconception- A blog on Infertility, Surrogacy and beyond

Misadventures through marriage surrogacy and parenting after infertility

Hyster-Take-From-Me

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We had it.  The appointment with the OB-GYN oncologist to find out about the results from Candace’s surgical biopsy a few weeks ago.  Would we find out that the pre-cancerous cells had returned?  Would it be full on cancer?  Would it be nothing?  Needless to say, we were scatterbrained and had no idea what to expect.  We went into the appointment holding hands, ready for the gates of hell to be opened and threatening to swallow us again in the despair of bad news.  We practically had frequent flyer miles on that trip by now!  That wasn’t necessarily the case though.
Are you a good news first or bad news first person?  Let’s go good news.  The pathology report came back … no precancerous cells.  Only normal tissues where observed!  Whew!  Out of the woods right?   Well, there is the bad news part, remember?  So, the bad news is that due to the fairly frequent invasions into Candace’s inner sanctum, a.k.a. uterus, her body turned rogue on her.  Her uterus has effectively sealed itself shut through formation of scar tissues that have fused her uterine walls together.  It’s the ultimate procreation middle finger.  Guess what though angry uterus?   We have a surrogate!  Neener neener booboo! 
We hope we win this fight with Candace’s uterus but until things get underway with our surro, we have to deal with matters at hand.  The OB-Gyn oncologist said that we could either stay in a holding pattern and go in for annual checkups (and live with the worry for 364 days a year that Candace has cancer).  OR, we could proceed with a hysterectomy.  Can you guess what we chose?  We went with the hysterectomy. 

Before we go further though, indulge me for a minute … have you ever been looking for your keys?  Check your pockets. Check your nightstand where you always put them.  Check the kitchen table.  Check your pockets.  Check your dresser.  Check your pants from yesterday.  Check your pockets. … It doesn’t matter how many times you check, if your keys weren’t in your pockets the first time, they won’t be in there any latter time that you check.  But you still do, right?  It seems that we all have an inner positivity/stupidity/naivety/hopefulness that we will find what we are looking for in the place we most expect it to be even though we have already “looked” there before.  This is no different.  Sure, Candace and I have had 6 failed IUIs, six failed IVF transfers, and as much natural attempting as any male can stand, maybe not, but still a lot of it.  The point is, for all those rational thinkers out there, we have exhausted the possibility that we would conceive a child.  HOWEVER, there is still this small part of me, getting smaller admittedly, that STILL thinks it’s possible.  Stupid … sure.  Impossible … depends on your faith.  Impractical … absolutely!  Ignore it if you want, but I think that tiny voice in the back of us is screaming until the day that it can no longer that we could still conceive. 

After Candace’s hysterectomy, those hopes will be put to rest, for good.  You know what though, in some ways, I am kind of glad.  This means I can focus all of my wishful thinking on our surrogate.  On the hopes of using someone else’s ‘oven’ to cook our ‘bun.’  Or adoption.  The thought of having a child has pervaded our consciences too much for us to ever stop before having a family.  Although this hysterectomy will indefinitely close one door for us, it will make us run/struggle/fight that much harder to get through one of the remaining doors to having a family.
So, now is the decision of what will be removed.  It turns out that there is no clear line between the uterus and cervix so, they are going to take the uterus and cervix.  Also, there is some compelling evidence to suggest that ovarian cancer starts in the fallopian tubes (check this and this out), and since there will be no uterus for the fallopian tubes to direct a fertilized follicle towards, they are going to take those also.  A follicle, released by the ovaries will simply be broken down and absorbed by the body.  Also, Candace and I could undergo another follicle retrieval for a future IVF procedure if we wanted to by keeping the ovaries.  We have no intentions of doing it though, but it is nice to know the option is there. So, it is going to be like a fire sale in Candace’s lady bits!  Hopefully though, this is all so she can live a long, happy, and healthy life which she will need when we get our rockin’ family going.  Good luck Dito!  If you need me, I will be in the waiting room, watching my hair fall out and pestering nurses about updates.

Candace-
I don’t have much to add to what Chris had to say. I do need to point out the picture below.

Why yes, that is the cotton innards of a tampon set ablaze. I am now inspired as to what I am going to do with all of my remaining feminine hygiene products. I can give them to Chris to use as kindling for our grill. “what is that unique seasoning on that steak?” Oh that’s just salt, pepper, and a cooter plug fire starter.

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Comments

  1. Hello friends. Sigh. Hello 🙂 And as usual facing a difficult decision with laughter, optimism and strength. Im following the blog updates…crossing my fingers toes and eyes hoping that amazing things are coming your way with the Surro!
    The part of your last entry that resonated with me most was about how despite all signs pointing in one direction SOMEHOW our brains and hearts can manage to have a shred (a TEENY TINY SHRED) of hope that JUST maybe we’ll be that crazy cautionary tale someone can tell someday–“I had a friend whos vagina was completely sealed off, but as soon as they stopped trying POOF…KU!”…etc. 🙂
    Thinking of you guys always
    Lynn

    • Lynn, thank you for all of the things you are “crossing” for us. We know that although it seems illogical, we will have some shred (microscopic though it may be) that we will get pregnant. It is exactly that irrational, idealistic thinking that is the glue for all of us in this crazy world of IF! We love knowing that you are on this ride with us and hope that the journey comes to a sudden and happy end for every passenger. Send us an e-mail to let us know what mischief you have been up to.

  2. Although our diagnoses are different this is exactly I feel about it all too. From Chris’ silly maybe we could still have a child to Candace’s what do I do with the tampons. I owe you guys a report. Will get to that in a few days.

    • Fox, we always enjoy hearing it when our posts relate to other people. Sometimes we feel like we are doing nearly senseless rambling. We are wishing you the best on your journey and can’t wait to hear the latest update!

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