Imagine this, you and your spouse have “the” talk. You make the decision, it is time. You start trying to start a family. Joy sets in as you see a double line on your pregnancy test. What amazing news, you both are on your path to have a family in 9 months. As a couple anticipating, you both rearrange your house, you register for your favorite baby gear and have a beautiful baby shower. Then, one night, something feels wrong. Suddenly, the fabric of the world is ripped apart as you become a statistic, another couple that had a glimpse at becoming a family wrenched from their ever wanting hands. How do you heal? How do you move on after all the planning, preparing, and love you developed after bonding with that child in your now empty womb?
We have never experienced this kind of sorrow. We cannot truly empathize with those couples, those individuals, those people that have been suddenly introduced to a new member to the family only to have to relinquish that infant to our keeper. How can you? Unless you walk their path, experience their joy and abrupt and totally unnatural grief, how can anything you experience relate to what they felt, suffered through, and hopefully, found a way to move forward with.
Let’s look at some facts:
1 out of every 4 women will experience the loss of a pregnancy/baby at some point in their lives. 25%, it’s staggering! Pregnancy/infant loss is an issue that is silently common, but so rarely talked about. These parents are hurting, lost, and grasping for answers that they will never find.
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25-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (pregnancy.org).
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Stillbirths (the death of a baby after a 20 week gestation period) occur one in every 160 pregnancies-about 60 stillborn babies every single day (March of Dimes).
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Each year, in the US alone, about 20,000 babies die in their first month of life, many after being born prematurely (March of Dimes).
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SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants ages 1 month to 1 year.
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Almost 100% of miscarriages could not have been prevented, with the majority being caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
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25% of stillbirths are caused by placental problems: 15% are caused by an infection: 2-4% are caused by umbilical cord problems: 50% have no known cause of death whatsoever. While there are risk factors to be aware of (smoking for instance), the overwhelming majority of stillbirths are completely out of the mother’s control (I Am the Face).
WHY HAVEN’T WE DISCUSSED THIS BEFORE??
Simply put … we have no clue what it is like. Is it infertility? Is it bad luck? Unfortunately, it is a dark, foreboding, and a final stage of infertility. Much like many other aspects of infertility, this is a taboo topic. People don’t talk about it and they suffer in silence. We hope that, beyond what we are doing to bring the earlier stages of infertility to light, we can bring this aspect of the struggle to start a family into focus, starting now. Over the next two weeks you will be hearing stories from those courageous couples whom we have met, are great friends, and have suffered the loss of a newborn child. We hope that their stories will cast a light on this almost never discussed, but exceedingly important and poignant topic in the realm of infertility.
What the majority of you, myself included, probably did not know, the month of October is ‘Pregnany and Infant Loss Awareness Month’ as proclaimed by President Ronald Reagan in 1988. Namely, October 15th is named the National Day of Remembrance. Please break this silence, whether you are the face of child loss or you are a supporter. This needs to be talked about.
Suggested ways to honor October 15th:
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Write a letter to your lost child.
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Do a balloon release with your family and/or friends. Give each person a note card to write a message to your child, and attach to the balloons.
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Plant a tree in honor of your child.
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Participate in a planned Oct. 15th event in your area. For events listed by location, click here.
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Light a candle for your baby during the Wave of Light, October 15th at 7 pm. See more information here.
Help spread awareness by grabbing one of the official ‘I am the Face’ profile badges for your Facebook, Twitter, Google+, blog, etc. Visit this site to grab your badge!
Great post! Thank you 🙂
Thank you Sunnyside. We hope you find strength and courage in the stories told by others in our guest blog series.