We packed up our car with all things beach related and a cooler packed with copious amounts of wine and beer and did what any wounded couple would do … Got out of dodge! We desperately needed a break from all things infertility and to try and shut down our baby-making brains from obsessing for at least a weekend. Once we arrived at Chincoteague Island, the numer uno item on our list … DINNER. So, we were guided by the seafood loving girl that Candace is and got the largest, most crustacean-packed steamer pot we could find on the island. We ate and drank beer to our hearts content.
Candace: The biggest challenge was not talking about next steps, or what our future will be and just for a brief time forcing yourself to be normal again. What is normal? Wait, I don’t have to take a shot tonight? For so long this was our norm. So, needless to say this was weird uncharted, and unwanted, territory for us. With that, we made the best of it. Turned off the mental infertility channel and spent some QT time with Chris’ aunt, uncle, their kids, and his grandparents. Was it hard hanging out with a fully perfect and complete family? Yes. This is where my mindset is maybe a little slanted. Being around babies and families although very difficult, I am at peace in that I WILL have a baby and we will have a family. Being around someone who is 8 months pregnant, that’s where my future is bleak and uncertain. One is definite, the other is a door I am voluntarily putting forth all of my efforts to open and I may need to start dealing with the fact it may already be closed.
Before leaving, we wanted to meet up with Chris’ grandma and grandpa, I conveniently recommended a roadside food truck place that is AH-MAZING called Woody’s -(Notably, I enjoyed my second pint of their she-crab soup for the weekend. Seriously I would probably bathe in it if given the chance, it is THAT good.) That is when I looked at the side of the shack-like structure in the middle of the eatery place and saw this quote:
Chris: We started this round planning on pulling out all the stops. We were going to change our diet, our habits, our people we interact with. Basically, if it was something that would give us a better chance of having a successfully IVF round, we were all for it. So, when we found out that this round was not successful, we really felt as though the rug was pulled out from underneath us. We felt as though we were on a very small island in the middle of a very angry sea. We did not have anything to cling to, we felt alone, and as if everything that we thought was solid, had suddenly turned to mist. The one thing we had, the MOST important thing we had, was each other. We were able to hold onto each other, depend on each other, and be there for each other when we feel like we could not take a single further step.
When we saw that verse on the side of the building in Chincoteague, it really gelled for us. Love is the most important thing. Candace and I feel like we have been through everything and the two things that have gotten us through are Faith and Love. We are healing, slowly, and spending time with family was a great help with that! Here’s to Love!
hi, wanted to say i’m sorry about your neg test. it is true that after each negative result, it becomes more challenging to hold onto hope and find strength. you will be ok bc u have each other, and that has so much power in itself. i hope you will feel better in time and wish you well wishes in this journey. we are also on break after a recent failed cycle. some days are really hard, but we all will get thru it together.
Thank you for the kind words L. You are totally right. Digging deep to find hope again is the hardest challenge with infertility. We like roller coasters, but it is always nice to get off when you want to. BTW, we checked out your blog (http://www.planningiui.com/introduction/#more-17) and thought it was great. Good luck to you and your husband! Keep us posted on your efforts to kick infertility’s ass!