Baby Showers in the Forecast: Survival 101

It is Springtime.. birds, bees, flowers and yes, ominous baby showers. July/August must be “let’s get busy” months or something. I thought I was cured of the baby shower blues. I have been able to proudly survive not 1, but 2 Babies R’ Us visits. However, my shroud of infertility became ever present today. Sometimes it just rears it’s ugly head and all control to suppress it flies out the window. You see, we have an upcoming baby shower to attend. I followed our own code of infertile ethics: ordered a gift online, we plan on doing a FIFO (read further below for acronym description), and it is co-ed so I have my wingman. All shower survival basics were covered. Minus the fact Fed-Slow or whatever shipping company we used has yet to deliver our gift. We already have a neon fluorescent  blinking arrow pointing over us saying HEY LOOK EVERYBODY it’s Chris and Candace, the childless wonder couple! So best not to bring any unnecessary attention our way. In the moment of panic, I scramble into Target and find myself in the baby section. In a solitary moment I imagined how cute the onesy set with the little planets and stars would be if we had a little boy, then I envisioned how much Chris would like to see our lil’ one in the spaceship bib I put reluctantly in the cart. (Let’s just say Chris’s job is of the space-ial variety) I’m talking Chris would truly geek out seeing our bouncing baby boy in this freakin’ adorable outfit. Then it was like I got a swift kick in my lady-bits. Reality set in and I am still childless. Yes we are back in hot pursuit of our family, but that still doesn’t fulfill the void of not having our family because 1 month, 6 months for some is an eternity for someone who has already countless months, for us years of no success.  So, I checked out of Target with pools of tears in my eyes and stalked out the store feeling deflated.  That ever present reminder screaming in my head that we are unable to conceive.  I decided I needed to shake out of this rut.  Pep talk folks!  I know I have touched on this briefly before in our Tasty Sneakers post, but here you go:

     1.  Unless it is a close friend, family, whatever — you don’t have to go. Even then, if you don’t want to go, don’t do it.  Point blank, eff what others think!  They are not broke, hormonal and getting ass shots in the middle of the night are they?

     2.  Online purchases rock!  No baby isles, massively pregnant moms, and you can take the stealthy online approach: {cue Mission Impossible song}  Get in and get out, a couple of clicks later and BAM, gift purchased.  You are less traumatized and it is even delivered to the happy parents to be so your obligation is met.

     3.  Take a supportive buffer-AKA a wingman.  You need someone who will be there who knows and genuinely understands what you are going through.  They derail uncomfortable comments and questions and can fake a serious case of IBS to make a rapid fast exit from the party.

     4.  Treat yourself to something positive afterwards.  Me gifts!  Nice dinner out, maybe a magnum of wine to drown your sorrows, retail therapy, whatever floats your boat.

     5.  FIFO-First In, First Out.  The first one there shows them Wow, they are here early and they care!  Really it’s because not many have showed up and you can have a guiltless exit strategy.  Bonus-you get to skip clean up and the barrage of ridiculous games.

     1.  Buy the expectant mother that probably only had to sneeze to get pregnant a huge A bottle of wine as a shower gift.  “Oh, that’s right, you can’t drink can you?  Guess I’ll have to drink it for you.”  You may be an emotional wreck, but at least you can stay in a drunken haze throughout the shower to help push you through.

     2.  New shower game-break out your PIO or HCG shot in the middle of the party, bend over, and yell out, “Pin the hormone on the infertile!”

     3.  Throat punch the next person that looks at you and says, “When are you having a baby?  You can’t wait forever you know.”