About a year or so ago I was spending some much needed time with a close friend of mine. We were in a group setting and someone nonchalantly asked her, “how many kids do you have?” Without skipping a beat she responded “I have 4. One in heaven and 3 on earth.” Her words stopped me for a moment. I reflected and thought to myself, I wonder how many people don’t fully understand how unbreakable and never-ending love can be. The grief may lessen over time but the love for the child never changes. Mothers of loss never forget.
Jennifer shares her touching story about her 3 daughters.
Jennifer- I didn’t meet my husband until I was 33. We knew right away that we were meant to be. We got married a year later and (due to ovarian cysts, uterine fibroids, and endometriosis)did our 1st IUI a month later. Failed. Then another. Failed. We ran out of money, so that was it for fertility treatments.
A year later I got pregnant on my own, and miscarried. Zoë. My Zoë. Our daughter. Two weeks after that, my dad died. 6 months later I was pregnant again, and full of hope, but that hope died when our Olivia joined her sister in heaven. Somewhere along the way, in the 2 years that followed, we gave up. Eventually I found a support group, and through prayer and support I went from feeling dead inside to finding a renewed focus. We started looking into becoming foster parents…but then, there she was. Our miracle. Our Joslyn.
What I want you to know, as I sit here snuggling my sleeping rainbow baby, is that a mother never forgets. How many children do I have? Three. I am so beyond grateful to hold this one, but she will not replace my two angel daughters in my heart. Not ever.
The joy of this pregnancy was intermingled with equal measures of fear (that I would lose her too) and sadness (for the two I lost). Now that she’s here I can’t help but look at her sweet, beautiful face and wonder about her sisters. Would they have looked like her? What milestones would they be hitting now? What would they think of their baby sister?
So no, I won’t stop talking about them. I won’t miss them any less. A mother never forgets.
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