CHRIS- Alright, Our Misconception disclaimer, this post is about parenting, or rather, aspirations of parenting. If you want to read our ramblings about infertility and not parenting, please start at the beginning of our blog or wait for the next upcoming post. Okay, let’s delve into my thoughts …
So, our Jellybean has platinum-blue eyes. Candace has brown eyes, I have brown eyes. We were watching a TV series where it seemed like everyone’s pants were flying off in fits of passion and Candace jokingly turned to me and said, “Grayson is not yours!” Okay, we literally saw her at 8 cells old after being the product of Candace’s egg and my sperm doing the petri dish tango, so the chances are very low and the risk of infidelity in this situation is zero, so this was extremely humorous!
But still, she has platinum blue eyes. Maybe they will still change, maybe they won’t. But, I am curious now, what those eyes will see. Although we are new on the turnip truck of parenting, already we want better for our Jellybean than we had. What does that mean though? Better? Do we want her to have better McDonald’s cheeseburgers or better Little Caesar’s pizza? Better Levi’s or better Adidas? Seems silly to think about that stuff right? Let’s get bigger and talk about Success, Happiness, and Joy … Ready? Here we go:
Success: So, this seems to be the cliché. I want my child to be more successful than me. Sure … don’t we all? “If I had to eat Ramen noodles when I was in college, I want my child to not need to eat anything less than Stouffers when they are in college!” That seems reasonable, right? But there must be a limit. Take Donald Trump. You think he wants his progeny to be more successful than him? How do you do that?! Not like this for sure! (Maybe this link: ) So, there seems to be a limit in the success pyramid. At some point you have to reach the top … then what? Maybe just greater success is not the best aspiration for the future of Jellybean. Do I want her to be successful, sure. But there must be something more, some more primal driving force that we can hope for when it comes to Jellybean have “it better” than we did. Moving on.
Happiness: “I want my child to have more happiness than me. I want the wrinkles from their smile lines to be deeper than the Mariana Trench.” Again, sounds like a valiant hope. Here is the problem for me. After working so hard to have our Jellybean as a part of our lives, I have been happier than I have ever been since she was born. I think if I had a single additional atom of happiness in me, right now, I would simply spontaneously combust. It could happen! Look it up (the link is: here) (although it doesn’t seem that these people were ever in a state of extreme bliss)! So, since I do not wish spontaneous combustion on my sweet Jellybean, maybe wishing solely for happiness is not a great aspiration for her either.
Shit! If I cannot wish only for better success or greater happiness for her, what is left? Hint, hint, it starts with “J.” Remember the title …
Joy: Well, wait a minute Chris! Isn’t Joy kind of the same thing as Happiness. In my dictionary, no. Although, funner is a word in my dictionary so maybe you should question the source. What I mean by Joy is embracing the world around you, going on adventures, spontaneously deciding to go somewhere, or working up the courage to do something that intimidates you. What I don’t want for Jellybean is regret. Believe it or not, prior to meeting the awesome and ever amazing Candace, I was a very reclusive individual. I still am by many measures. And, as a result, I have missed out. I didn’t ask that beautiful girl out because I was too shy. I didn’t go out with my friends on that epic night because I was afraid to break out of my shell. I didn’t make that trip for the weekend because I wasn’t familiar with where I would be going. In short, my reservations made me miss things. Think of it as having irritable bowel syndrome during Pet Cemetery. When you get back in the theatre, you won’t have any idea why this cat with an eye missing is effing bonkers! Sucks right? There life is, all you have to do is grab it. I didn’t have the ability to reach my hand out for years and, as a result, I missed a lot of the ride.
So, what do I wish for Jellybean? Simple. Joy. I hope she is a “Carpe Diem” kinda lady. Think about it, if she is a go-getter with awesome wit (from me) and killer looks (from Candace), success and happiness are a shoe-in. She won’t need our help with either of those … don’t knock me out of my ivory tower!
With all of this hope and aspiration as a new parent, what does it mean for me? Well, big swallow, it means that I need to get rid of my own inhibitions to make sure that Jellybean has the opportunity to not be held back by hers. It means that I need to embrace new adventures and explore new things, with Jellybean in-tow, even if my fears want to keep me back. Maybe by doing that, I will be a Successful and Happy parent that is able to bring Joy to my sweet Jellybean. And with that, we have come full circle.
