It is very easy to focus on the negative. It is even easier to get sucked into the negative vortex that is your infertility. No way possible we could glean anything positive from something that is consistent disappointment and a state of feeling like you are always the odd couple out. Well, I would like to say we have more positive that has come from this than negative. Shocked at that response? Yeah infertility sucks. IT REALLY SUCKS! Since we have become “open” about our infertility Chris and I have met some pretty amazing people down what we thought was a lonely road for 2. Come to find out, we share this road with a lot of folks. Chris and I are the 1 in 8. 1 in 8 couples have difficulty conceiving.
To wrap up NIAW we wanted to share a story of hope. We met Brian and Casey during our beginning stages of adoption pursuits. Since then, they have not only been an encyclopedia of great inspiration, information and support, but have become great friends. So, Brian and Casey I’ll pass this over to you…
Brian and Casey’s Story
Brian and I are thrilled to be friends with such awesome people as Candace and Chris and our honored to be a part of their blog and tell our story of infertility.
I think you reach a breaking point. The point where your mind and body are tired of the routine of shots and pumped up hormones that you may realize infertility treatments just aren’t for you anymore. See Brian and I purposely waited to start trying to have children until we were financially stable and capable of being responsible for another human life other than ourselves and our dogs. A few years into our marriage we decided to start “trying” the conventional way (clear my throat). We were having a blast but month after month no positive pregnancy tests. We decided to seek out professional help via my female doctor. This is where it gets good, she didn’t take the appropriate steps into finding out why we weren’t getting pregnant. She just automatically assumed it was me and after a year and a half of checking my temperature and plotting points on a graph, pumping me full of diabetes medicine that is designed to help you ovulate, with still no positive pregnancy results she finally decided to check Brian. The thing is we didn’t know any different. I just let her do what she thought was right.
I was upset when Brian’s results came back positive for low sperm count because of all the wasted time, the time we could have spent on conceiving a child by other means. All I kept thinking was I could have had a baby by now. We decided to start to educate ourselves. In that process we found a local infertility clinic to have some additional tests on Brian and I. We were very pleased with the people we were working with this time and felt very confident in their knowledge. We were especially pleased when our fertility doctor told us that it was for certain, a 99.9% chance, that if we did in vitro fertilization we would get pregnant the first time since there was no female problem. “Wow!” we thought. A 99.9% is a good chance. We didn’t have all our funds together for in vitro just yet and the doctor was still pretty confident with artificial insemination and since much cheaper we gave it a shot. Well three artificial insemination’s later and no positive pregnancy tests and we were ready to try in vitro.
In vitro is not a fun process. You are pumped full of high doses of hormones, poked and prodded at weekly appointments, and on the worst emotional roller coaster you could ever imagine. To top it all off I became a very challenging patient. The doctors were perplexed that through all the tests it was proven there was nothing wrong with me and yet was on the highest dose of hormones and medications and I was producing the amount of eggs that someone in their 40’s would produce. They couldn’t figure it out and at several appointments we were disappointed when the doctor would tell us we couldn’t proceed with the in vitro because I didn’t have enough eggs to extract and it wouldn’t be worth it. After numerous tries I finally had enough eggs to proceed. We were very excited since we had been given such a high chance of conception, but quickly brought to reality with a negative blood pregnancy test. We knew we had one more time, financially, and this time we had a very enlightened sense of reality. We knew not to get our hopes up and we were right. Our doctor begged us to try again but we just weren’t ready and decided to take a break.
I started to look into adoption. Several close friends at my work had adopted. I needed a light at the end of the very dark tunnel. Brian was skeptical because we lacked knowledge about adoption. We decided to visit one of my friends who adopted and asked them loads of questions. We gained so much information and inspiration just from talking with them. We spent a few months looking into different agencies and finally chose one in Richmond. Completed all classes and the home study then about 10 months after having an approved home study we got a call from our social worker. A beautiful baby girl had been born the night before at a hospital very close to us and the birth mom wanted us to adopt her. Now she is 6 months old and we are so happy to have the family we had always dreamed about.
Now by no means do I want adoption to sound like all roses and dandelions because there are instances where you will think you have a match and it doesn’t work out. Everyone, I believe, has there own light at the end of the tunnel. Ours was adoption and the end result is so worth everything you experience through infertility.
That folks is a happy ending. Reaching out to others who have been in that SS. IF boat, rowing with those same ores that can offer the support you need to get through this. We will all have our ‘Light at the End of The Tunnel’. Thank you B&C, Chris and I are so lucky to have you in our inner circle of support.
