Affording what feels impossible, surrogacy

I have a secret.        

I have a she-ro crush on someone. Nothing to see here people, she’s married, I’m married and well, it’s not that kind of crush. My she-ro crush happens to be a relentlessly fierce advocate and the reason why I got involved with infertility advocacy in the first place. She’s also a consummate do-gooder, you know the ones that challenge you and make you realize that your impact doesn’t have to be contained within a box, that there is so much more out there you can be doing. Basically, she is a class act and one who I admire fully. I am talking about Whitney Anderson folks.

Life can dish out some pretty shitty circumstances that bring you to your knees. Whitney’s infertility struggle is one tattered history of many medical treatments, heart break and sheer grit.  And by the rubble of her bank account from previous treatments, she has discovered surrogacy doesn’t always have to be expensive.  

 

Meet Whitney…

 

 

Whitney, would you mind telling us about why you and your husband decided to pursue surrogacy?

It wasn’t really a choice. We had exhausted all other medical options and determined that something was wrong with my body, while our embryos were healthy.  

 

What was the biggest challenge you faced in your personal surrogacy journey?

The biggest challenge was money. We knew surrogacy was the indicated treatment for us, but didn’t even seriously consider it at first, because I thought it couldn’t be done for under $100,000. And, even once that was debunked, it was still hard to come up with the money after having spent so much on IVF.

Secondly, finding a surrogate. We were very proactive in our search and really put ourselves out there, but it was difficult knowing that even though we were doing all we could, we couldn’t make this happen. We had to wait and be patient. 

 

 In your personal opinion, what is a common misconception most people have about the option of surrogacy?

I think that people think it is always ridiculously expensive ($100k or more) because that is definitely what I thought, too, initially. It’s still expensive, but we paid less than a 1/4 of that.  It’s not easy to keep costs so low, but it is possible. 

 

 You have an amazing blog Whitney and Erick that you write about lifestyle, infertility and advocacy work. What inspired you start you Surrogacy Hope? 

 

People frequently email me about surrogacy and I felt like I was getting the same questions and that I wasn’t even close to capable of responding to these complicated questions in an email.  So, I decided to invest the time to consolidate some of my resources and delve in deeper to write a comprehensive guide to independent surrogacy. Since my blog covers content about everything, I decided to create a separate website just dedicated to surrogacy. 

 

  How do you envision Surrogacy Hope helping other couples who are pursuing surrogacy? 

 I hope that it helps others realize:

1) that they can afford surrogacy  

2) you don’t have to use an agency

3) You don’t need to figure it out all of your own — that’s why I wrote this guide!

 4) Even if you are doing it independent of an agency, you aren’t totally alone — you’ll have a team — your clinic, your attorney and a counselor. You just become the project manager to save yourself a ton of money. 

 

 If you could give one piece of advice to someone considering surrogacy what would it be? 

It was hard, but it’s possible. So. don’t give up even though it does seem impossible. Patience was the key to it all for us and I am the least patient person in the world. Patience to find a surrogate, no not even that, the right surrogate. We found a handful and got our hopes up each time only to be devastated all over again. We never thought we would find someone. Also part of that was patience to find a surrogate with the right situation, insurance, etc., so that it was financially more feasible for us. We didn’t just decide one day, “Hey let’s get started with surrogacy,” and do it the next day. No. No. It took a really long time to find the right person with the right scenario financially.  

Candace thoughts: Whitney ya’ll. She makes a lot of great points here. One being that you don’t just say “hey, I think I want to do surrogacy, let’s do this thing.”  Surrogacy is a painfully loooooong process, one that is filled with waiting, wanting, compromise, more waiting, and a mutual goal of working together with the right person who wholeheartedly wants to help grow your family.

The other point is that it can be done. That is, if you want to be done. The hard truth, with all things, it will not be easy. I’ve been listening to Rachel Hollis lately so bear with me on my newest quote obsession, but her words keeps screaming loudly in my head:

“When you really want something you will find a way. When you don’t really want something you’ll find an excuse.”

I’ll have a personal update on our current surrogacy status for you soon, but I’ll leave you with this: I didn’t imagine that my life would be filled with needles, surgeries, and an endless flood of medical bills. No one does. What I did imagine, was becoming a mother above all else. Surrogacy was and still is the way I found.

 

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