In honor of July 4th, we figured we may as well get a little politicky and stretch our freedom of speech leg. Amurica!! So, you battle with years of infertility or just simply decide you want to adopt as a way to build your family. Years of heartache and longing for a family have brought you to this point you have decided, blood does not define what a parent is. With fertility procedures you get probed, prodded, and sent home impoverished. In the adoption process, you have exposed your lives to the core. But you don’t care! You will expose every inch of your personal, financial and intimate lives to prove to an agency that you are fit to be parents. Now, imagine this is your situation: a couple who has gone through years of fertility treatments, and came to the realization your path needs to shift, you will adopt.
This couple I am referring to is Matt and Melanie Capobianco. They, like all parents hoping to adopt pushed through the invasive home studies and paperwork. Background checks were welcomed if it meant that at the end of the rainbow would be a child. Much like seeing a positive pregnancy test, the Capobiancos got the call that would change their lives. A birth mother had chosen them. The birthmother chose an open adoption plan making the selfless decision to place her child with a couple that would give her child the Moon and more. She was stuggling financially and unable to provide the life she wanted for her baby and the biological father abandoned her during the pregnancy and made it very clear he was not interested in providing finanacial support to raise the child. He also signed a waiver not to contest the adoption. The adoptive parents were even able to cut the umbilical cord at the birth, an amazing opportunity that many adoptive parents do not often get. That beautiful baby girl was named Veronica. It wasn’t until 4 months after she was born that the biological father decided that he would like to parent. A little late in the game don’t you think? Regardless, he lawyered up and found a loop hole. He happened to have a teeny amount of Cherokee heritage in him which made Veronica a Cherokee descendant. The loop hole was The Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 (ICWA). The law states that a child of Indian decent should be placed back with the biological family because of heritage. The biological father did not live on a reservation, practice any of the customs or have any real ties to the culture. He used his Indian wanna-be status to tweak the law in his favor.
Now in this case it is a blatant misuse of the ICWA law and was not in the best interest of Veronica. After a very expensive legal battle for the Capobiancos, because of course the biological father’s attorney bill was covered by the Cherokee nation, Veronica as a 2 year old child was ripped from the home of the Capobiancos and put into custody of the biological father. What a huge A-Hole! More so, the real victim in all of this is Veronica. She was placed in a loving home where a couple for years cried, prayed and spent their savings to finally meet their daughter and then someone who waived his rights and stated he would not contest the adoption changed his mind on a whim.
What happened next will impact adoption law indefinitely. We IFers are a determined bunch. They put up the fight of their lives and took this case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. 18 months later, on June 25, 2013, ruling 5 to 4 justices, the court ruled in favor of reversing the South Carolina Supreme Court order and that ICWA does not apply in this case and ruled in favor of the adoptive couple. The fight isn’t over and custody of Veronica still has to be determined. We are hopeful that that the SC Supreme Court awards custody back to the Capobiancos. So please pray for this adoptive family so that they can get reunited with their daughter.
A Most Courteous Tirade: Compliments of Chris
First of all, let me say that we both hold great admiration for men that stand up when they find out, without prior indication, that they will be fathers. Maybe it was a one night stand, maybe it was a relationship that went awry. Regardless, there is much that could be said for what a great demonstration of a true man it is when these gentlemen step up. After that praise soaks in for a minute, keep reading … It is a different story entirely when a male (intentionally not called a ‘man’ from here on as that would denigrate the definition of the word) decides at some later time that he would like to give this fatherhood thing a try and attempts to ‘go back’ on his previous decisions. Why do people like the biological father of Veronica or other males (we have other friends that are in a struggle right now with a biological father) decide that, all of the sudden they want to be fathers? Did they have some kind of epiphany one night or somehow mature rapidly to say that they would like to stand up and be a dad? Although these things are possible, another possibility is that they received some serious goading from their parents who often volunteer to raise this grandchild so that there is no ‘separation’ of their family. This is of course without even the first consideration of the best interest of the child who may still not have a father in their lives being raised by the grandparents.
If there was a way to pound this into these aloof and immature ‘males,’ this is what it would be: take responsibility of the decisions you made and act on what will truly be in the best interest of this child! You decided to waive your parental rights. Done! There are no takey-backies. You don’t get to think 4 weeks, 2 weeks, or 1 minute after you sign the paperwork that you made the wrong decision. Regardless of what your outside influences tell you, if you are at the point in your life where you have the paperwork in front of you to waive your rights, you need to do some serious introspection. You need to realize the finality of this decision and then, after you have either picked up that pen or not, you need to act accordingly for the remainder of your life. With open adoptions being more and more popular, you are NOT signing away ever seeing the child or knowing how they are progressing. You ARE making the selfless decision that this child will have a greater future and be better equipped to have a successful like with these adoptive parents.
Final thought, best interest of the child, what does it mean to you? If it means that you plan on changing your entire life to be the best father you can be then stand up, rip up the paperwork, go buy a car-seat, and bring your child home ASAP. If it means that you think you want to be a dad and your parents said they will help, you need to dig deeper into your soul. You earn the right to be called a MAN when you make a responsible decision, thinking beyond just your nose, and stand behind your decision with the confidence that it was the right choice. PLEASE don’t make these decisions that will impact the lives of these innocent children just as MALES!
This entire post breaks my heart. Specifically for sweet little Veronica.
This girl has a biological father who has fought for her, stood up against bullying and said he accepts the responsibility of raising HIS daughter.
If we are truly are looking out for the very best for Veronica, would it not be for her to be raised in her family of origin?
I cannot imagine being a mother to a child, who when I found out that her biological family wanted her back, could say “No she deserves us because we have more financial resources available.”
I hope the judge does what we as a society know is best, and that is to let the biological parents of a child raise that child.
This is tragedy. Complete tragedy.
And a perfect example of entitlement.
I am discouraged by your wayward interpretation of what we wrote and have a suspicion that you may be transposing issues from your life story on theirs. That being said, let me provide a few details that may change your perspective. First, it may interest you to know that the biological mother and adoptive parents had a completely open adoption. Prior to Veronica being taken from them, at the age of 2, the Capobiancos interacted regularly with the biological mother. The biological mother was a part of Veronica’s life. Once legal guardianship of Veronica was transferred from the Capobiancos to the biological father, he has cut all interactions between Veronica and her biological mother. Where is the best interest of the child in that?
You speak of the rightful place of a child to be with their biological parents. Although we could debate on this, and you are speaking on “what we as a society know is best,” I would ask that you consider the situation with a few more details brought to light before making a claim that your opinion is society’s. First, the biological father was completely out of the picture during the biological mother’s pregnancy. He did not decide that he wanted to be Veronica’s father and demand custody until she was 4 months old. Biology does not supersede neglect … ever. Also, as I stated before, he has not allowed the biological mother to have any interactions with Veronica since he has taken custody. So, which is in better interest in your eyes for Veronica, to be with the adoptive parents and have regular, beneficial interactions with her biological mother, or to be with her biological father and have no interaction with her biological mother?
Last thing, entitlement. Man what a great way to denigrate someone. First let me say that the Capobiancos are not entitled to Veronica. No one is entitled to another human being. No, the Capobiancos decided to be adoptive parents and were blessed with Veronica. Do you know what opportunity the biological father would have to protest these standing laws created to keep the child’s best interest in mind if he were not 1 umpteenth percent Native American … zero. So, the biological father, absent from Veronica’s life for the first 4 months, found a way to circumvent these laws. And, I believe they are covering all of his legal expenses as well! Let’s contrast that to the Capobiancos who fought for years to have their own biological child, changed paths to realize their dream of parenting through adoption, paid tens of thousands of dollars to bring Veronica home, had their child ripped out of their arms after 2 years, and have fought relentlessly to bring Veronica home. It seems to me, and I will not claim to speak on behalf of society or anyone beyond myself or my wife, that the Capobiancos have earned the right to be parents, demonstrated their ability to be loving parents to Veronica, and hopefully will be reunited with THEIR child. Your accusation of entitlement seems to be largely out of context in this case.
Well said, Chris and Candace. And to Lisa Anne, who surely does have Veronica’s best interest at heart, I have to believe that she simply does not have the facts of the case to make a fair assessment of the situation. Dusten Brown abandoned his child – that’s a fact. He made a very clear choice not to be apart of her life or to offer any type of support – emotional, financial or otherwise. Perhaps he now regrets this decision, but Veronica should not have to suffer for his indecision, immaturity, or complete lack of concern or responsibility. Nor should the adoptive couple who NEVER wavered in their dedication, support and love for this sweet, innocent little girl.
And Lisa Anne, I’m not sure why you made the comment about the adoptive couple saying anything about Veronica being better off w/ them b/c of financial reasons or b/c they feel entitled. That’s simply not true – and quite frankly, offensive. It has nothing to do with that. She is their child. They were there right from the start and have been fighting for her every since. Any good parent would do the same to protect their child…and not just when it became convenient for them like Dusten Brown did.
Lastly, in regards to your comment about the biological father being bullied…that’s laughable to say the least. He has had the powerhouse of the the Tribe behind him every step of the way. If ANYONE has been bullied it has been 1) the adoptive couple and even more importantly, 2) VERONICA. Her rights as an American child have been completely trampled. While the Tribes would like you to think that “their” children receive special rights b/c of their Indian culture, the reality is that w/ ICWA, they have LESS RIGHTS than other children in our country. So many children are denied loving, supportive, families and homes simply b/c they aren’t Native. And sadly, there just aren’t enough Indian families out there that are willing or able to foster or adopt. Where is the justice in that for all of those children being placed in home after home, never finding stability b/c they are Native and must be placed w/ a Native family? Give me a break. It’s sickening. But I digress…
Bottom line, Veronica’s biological father would have completely lost in the SC Court b/c he had abandoned his child. And only b/c he and she have the slightest bit of Indian blood in them was he able to take her away from the only home and family she ever knew. This law is racist, outdated and not the way Congress intended it to be used.
Hopefully w/ SCOTUS’ recent ruling in favor of the adoptive couple, Veronica will get to come home and fewer children will be hurt by this law. Oh, and one last thing, if you are so concerned about biological parents rights to care for their children, take a peek at this story: http://www.xojane.com/issues/my-uterus-will-not-be-used-to-fill-your-tribal-rolls-i-fought-the-icwa-and-won.
Do you feel that is fair?? Surely you don’t. And this is only one of thousands of stories like it. ICWA must be amended. And Veronica must come home, God willing.
There is a beautiful podcast on radiolab, regarding Veronica’s case.
They interviewed the Capobiancos, the biological father, many different lawers and activists… and you can even hear little Veronica…
It’s here: http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2013/may/30/adoptive-couple-v-baby-girl/
I hope, no matter what will be the final decision, that Veronica will be happy, and loved.
🙁
Alice