I have a sister. I adore, honor and idolize her in every way. Growing up, I was that annoying little sister that tagged along everywhere. On bike, on foot, like a stealthy shadow, I was there. Being 5 years apart in age, is a big difference when it comes to social circles yet, she never really shut me out. She would always include me in mostly everything she did and would never push me away like many older sisters would typically do.
My sister taught me many important life’s lessons, such as making me eat ice cream that I dropped ever-so devastatingly on the ground and made me repeat, “God made dirt so dirt don’t hurt”. She also encouraged me to “pet” a cactus with my bare hand because they are “friendly.” And not surprisingly to those who know me well, helped me sneak into our parents wine stash like bandits in the night.
Don’t judge. You know you did it at some point in your youth.
She never shut me out when I would run crying to her about evil plots afoot drafted by my mischievous brothers. Instead, my sister would protect me like the she-ro she is when I became the prime target of my older brother’s boredom and cheap source of quick entertainment. More importantly, she was the kind of sister that made sure my hair was properly crimped and the Aqua Net wave was tall and crunchy when I had my grade school birthday parties and events.
As I grew older, I became more independent. The shadow that followed her around faded, but we were never out of touch. My sister became a single working mother to a child with disabilities at a very young age, and I was a rebellious teenager. Despite her own personal struggles, she was always there. Many phone calls and road trips were made to help guide me through breakups, heartaches and various adolescent crises.
She got married. I got married. She began to grow her family and I realized I could not.
Sweet Sister, I shut you out because I was infertile.
My sister was struggling through being a mom again. She was working, going to nursing school and she was raising now 3 kids, one fully dependent on her care. (I told you… SHE-RO! seriously this chick embodies a woman’s ability to persevere life’s obstacles.)
I was a part-time aunt. A lousy part–time sister and I shut her out. My infertility silenced me. For years I told her everything but yet I could not drum up the courage to tell her about the pain and emptiness I was feeling.
Infertility is like an emotional tsunami.
This selfless person who gave me so much support throughout my life, just stood by in the wings waiting. She waited as I wedged more space between us because I could not manage my own grief over my broken womb, my disease, my pending hysterectomy. Someone who always was in my corner, I somehow convinced myself that she would not understand. I shut her out so much that I missed out on life… with her in it. Yet another misconception we realized far too late in our journey is we should have let more people in versus keeping them out.
Then we started to write our blog (see our first post here), and little by little I would open the door to our world for her to see. When we started to fundraise she was the first to scream at the top of the mountain to everyone she knew to help us. Every blog post she would proudly share on her FB page. I also remember when I would have a failed IVF she would simply say, “let me know when you are ready to talk.” She was a silent supporter when I needed that and would offer me advice and consolation when I needed that. And that is what is most amazing about her, she provides exactly what I need when I need it. This was my cheerleader and a huge support in our journey to parenthood. When people in our family couldn’t quite understand our struggle, she acted as our diplomat and explained what we simply could not.
Yep, the same sister I shut out.
The same sister who waited years for me to break my silence also waited with anticipation for the birth of our surrogacy miracle. With nearly unmatched excitement, she and my nieces literally went bazonkers when Jellybean was born. And, although I don’t think modern science can explain this (sorry Chris), it seems that Jellybean naturally gravitates to her for snuggles and nuzzles with aunt “shu-shu”.
This post is to honor Sisters Day, Sunday August 2nd. So this day, this week I honor someone who I shut out. Someone who despite how hard I pushed away, supported me (and still does!). This is a bond, and the unconditional love of having a sister. Simply put, my heart is full because she is my sister.
Not all of us have sisters by birth or blood or marriage. But through this journey I have met many #IF sisters. These women have offered encouragement, support and humor all while battling the same IF demons I was or healing from their own fresh scars of their IF journey. To my #IF sisterhood I honor you today as well.
Thank you for sending me Mr. Ultra Sound Wand selfies for a little lightheartedness while waiting to be examined.
Thank you for private messages and posts letting me know you are sorry that my uterus sucks and that Aunt Flo is a malicious dirty whore.
Thank you for coining terms like Vagi-vomit and Dildo Wand
Thank you for advocating fearlessly for family building rights and legislation.
Thank you for sharing your stories with me and not shutting me out.
Although there are many ways that we have all become sisters, we share this common bond, when a fellow sister is in need, whether she is able to show it or not, we seek to demonstrate our bond by being her support, her advocate, her shoulder and her ear.
In the spirit of Sister’s Day, know we are a sisterhood. So take a moment to recognize all of the sisters in our life.
